Novelist Anne Tyler’s book Digging to America centers around the relationships of members of two families who meet at the airport the night their daughters arrive from Korea. Although very different, the couples decide to get together annually to celebrate the anniversary of the girls’ arrival. Eventually their lives intertwine in many different ways over the next ten years.
The book is fiction, and not strictly or even primarily an adoption book. One family is Iranian-American and, although they are thoroughly “Americanized”, I enjoyed learning a bit about that culture. We hear a bit about the grandmother’s life as a university student in Iran and her coming to America. (Tyler draws her knowledge from relatives of her late husband.)
Tyler is very good at telling stories from the perspective of different characters. Other themes in the book include dealing with loss, a romance between the widowed grandmother of one adoptee, the effects of the relationships of other family members when the romance falters.
While the adoption process is not focused on, Tyler has the details she does give correct. Korean children often travel with escorts and their parents meet them at the airport. (Tyler says witnessing one such scene inspired her to write the book.) One couple in the book later travels to China for three weeks to adopt another daughter, who has some initial delays from being confined to a crib in the orphanage.
Tyler does give us a glimpse of persons remembering the struggles with infertility. One wondered if she was somehow not deserving of being a mother. One grandmother even wondered if she was somehow to blame (it has never dawned on me before that a parent would feel guilty for their grown child’s infertility, but I can see it happening).
The strongest adoption theme in the book is the tension between the families’ parenting styles, including their attitude toward their children’s culture. One mother is overly enthusiastic about pushing “Korean” food, culture and clothing on their daughter. The other girl’s parents buy her American Girl dolls and trendy clothes. (My favorite laugh came when the first mother earnestly informed the other that, even though cow’s milk formula was agreeing with the child fine, she should switch to soy milk because “soy is more culturally appropriate”.)
I appreciated the book more because it wasn’t all about adoption—it presented it as a part of the family’s lives, but not the whole of their lives. Tyler’s characters are drawn with a lot of depth—we feel we know them. Parts of the book are funny and parts are touching—all in all, a good read IMO (in my opinion).
Please see these related blogs:
Books for Adults on Adoption from China and Korea
Books on International Adoption, for Adults