International Adoption: Sensitive Advice for Prospective Parents is a collaboration between Jean Knoll and Mary-Kate Murphy. Jean Knoll kept a journal throughout the process which led through two failed referrals, two adoption agencies and three countries to the eventual adoption of her daughter Jessie in Peru. Katie Murphy met her briefly in Peru just before returning to the U.S. with her own Peruvian daughter. Murphy writes commentary chapters giving some of the background of international adoption. These appear in between segments of Knoll’s journal. Knoll adopted as a single parent; Murphy has a husband and a biological son.
There is a third part of the book also—extensive comments from adoptive parents begin and end each chapter. While much of Murphy’s commentary, and of course Knoll’s journal, reflect their own experience adopting from Latin America, these comments are by parents who adopted from Korea, India, Russia and China, as well as the Latin American countries of Honduras, Columbia, Paraguay, Chile, and Guatemala.
The authors have stated that they wanted to do more than simply tell the stories’ of their daughters’ adoptions, but not to write a how-to manual of adoption procedures (and as they rightly point out, international adoption changes frequently). Their book instead attempts to answer the questions adopting parents may have, or may not yet know to ask. Questions such as, “How did you decide on a country?” “What was it like to travel and stay in country?” “How did you prepare emotionally before the adoption was absolutely certain?” “Did you meet the birthparents, and what was that like?” “Did anything go wrong? What?”
The chapters are divided by: the decision to adopt, finding out about your child, telling family and friends, arranging for leaves from work, traveling and living in a foreign country, culture shock, meeting local people and people involved in the adoption process, and returning home. Reading the comments is a nice way to get a sense of the variety of experiences adopting parents have had.
It is important for readers to remember that this book was written in 1994. Many international adoption programs were just beginning at that time. Also, most countries outside of Latin America do not require such long stays in country. Readers should check with a reputagble adoption agency for current requirements, timelines and procedures. (I believe most adopters will have a smoother process than Dr. Knoll did!) However, the authors are open about their emotions at each stage of the process and reflective about their situations and emotions. This perspective, I think, is both comforting and valuable for people adopting from any country, at any time.
The authors have met their other stated goal: to encourage prospective adoptive parents that while a timeline may be long and a process convoluted—or even dead-end, necessitating the starting of another process—the reward is a child who seems perfectly our own. Few adventures have such a reward.
Please see these related blogs:
Book Review: Adopting After Infertility
Book Review: The Adoption Decision
Adoption Programs You’ve Never Heard Of
Lesser-Known Programs with Shorter Timeframes: Europe, the Caribbean, Latin America