So, how do the kids really feel? Is That Your Sister? tells you. It is narrated by six-year-old Catherine, who co-wrote the book with her mother, Sherry. At the playground and the store, Catherine is often asked, “Is that your sister? Is that your mother?” Catherine, her mother and her sister all look quite different from each other because Catherine and her sister are adopted. (In the black-and-white pencil illustrations by Sheila Kelly Welch, Catherine appears to be biracial, fairly light-skinned with textured hair and some African-appearing features, and Carla is African-American with dark skin and a short Afro.)
Catherine is the third child in her family. As she explains,
“My mommy and daddy already had two kids when they adopted me. They could have had more kids, I know, but they knew that there were plenty of kids like Carla and me who wanted a family and they wanted more kids, so it seemed like a good idea for all of us to get together.”
Catherine’s oldest two siblings are brothers. I had the impression from the text that they were the parents’ biological children, although the illustrations represent one as Caucasian and one who appears to be Latino or biracial. The parents are not pictured, so we don’t know if the parents are different races or if one or more of the brothers is adopted. Perhaps the book is vague precisely to emphasize that it doesn’t matter, to Catherine or to us.
Usually when Catherine tries to explain their different skin, faces and hair to other kids, the kids then ask, “What’s adopted?” Catherine tries to explain that a woman bore her but couldn’t care for her, and her parents wanted her and adopted her. But sometimes the kids’ questions set Catherine to wondering anew, and she asks her mother why her birthmother couldn’t care for her? Was she too noisy? Didn’t she like her? Catherine’s imagination pictures her birthmother in various ways. Her mother lets her go on, then says, “It’s nice to daydream, but I do know that the woman was an ordinary human being…who knew she couldn’t go about the serious business of raising a child.”
Kids ask Catherine where her parents found her. Catherine explains that most adoptive parents don’t find their child on a doorstep, but go to an adoption agency. Catherine was three months old when she was adopted, but she remembers going to the adoption agency, being visited by social workers, and going to court when her sister Carla was adopted last year. Carla was three years old, and remembers her foster family. Foster care, the social worker’s role, and the finalization process are briefly explained.
Sometimes adults as well as kids annoy Catherine by asking her about her real parents. “Sometimes I hate talking about adoption with a lot of dumb kids and grownups, too…they ask too many questions and it makes me feel funny. It makes me wish my mommy had born me and I looked just like her. I wish when we walked down the street everyone would say we looked alike.” Her mother responds, “That’s a beautiful thing to say because it means you love me.”
Catherine discusses the normal complexity of family relations. She feels that one brother prefers to play with her little sister rather than with her, but the older brother is nicer to her—most of the time. I was relieved to see the realistic description:
“We fight a lot just like all the families I know. We fight about television and who gets the most cookies and Nicholas gets mad when Carla breaks up his forts and Alexander gets mad at me if I mess up his coin collection. Mommy yells at all of us and sometimes Daddy brings us ice cream sandwiches when he does the shopping.”
Sherry Bunin has this to say about her book:
“In describing how our family adopted Carla, Catherine and I have put together an account that we felt would be interesting to both children and adults. We wanted to tell about the feelings of a child who was adopted, as well as explain the process of adopting. The fact that we are an interracial family presents some special situations, but it does not keep our story from being a typical account of adoption. We share the story of our family in the hope that it will help more people understand adoption as a chosen way of life that is positive, compassionate, and civilized.”
Please see these related blogs:
Book Review: William is my Brother
Kids’ Books on Domestic Adoption and General Adoption Themes