As single parents, sometimes we can be our own toughest critics—we may carry around some insecurities and wounds that make it hard for us to feel good about ourselves as parents. Or we may have internalized some of society’s stigma about being a single parent. Even if we’ve chosen our role and taken an active responsibility for building our families, we might still be feeling a lack of confidence in our abilities and our “right” to parent our child as we see fit. Instead of expecting the rest of the world to grant us that confidence, we have to find a way to boost our own confidence in our single parenting skills and role.
Focus on all the things you are doing well. This is good advice for any parent, but especially for the single parent who may constantly be comparing him or herself to other parents. Let go of those comparisons and concentrate on “playing your own game.” No one else has to parent your child or walk in your shoes—as long as you are doing your best and continuing to focus on growing and expanding, you deserve to give yourself kudos and not kicks.
Learn to take compliments from others and to give them to yourself. I know this might sound a little obvious and corny, but give yourself pep talks. I try to give myself a little pat whenever I’m able to maintain my temper or make it through a particularly trying time. Instead of kicking myself for having not handled things “better,” I take stock in what I did well and treat myself the way I would want some external “coach” to treat me. I’ve found that this self-compassion with my parenting helps me to stay confident and secure in my role as a single mom.
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Handling Those Intrusive Personal Questions
You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of Your Child