“I didn’t think anyone was using it!” or “I didn’t take it, I just borrowed it for a while”: Eventually we parents all have to wrestle with the borrowing vs. stealing issue with our children. Some, catch right on, while there are others who have a hard time figuring out the difference between borrowing and stealing or understanding the value and belief system behind what is okay, and what is not…
Ideas like sharing, borrowing, taking, and possessions can be really tough ones for a child to grasp. Part of it, I think is due to developmental capabilities and stages, and part of it is also due to personality. There just seem to be those kids who are so self-absorbed or have a hard time seeing things from other people’s point of view so that they assume that whatever they see can be used by them (I have had one of these children!). Sometimes, children are generous and non-attached to their own things so they assume everyone else is as well. Whatever the motivation or reason, it does help a parent to try to figure out the “why” of a child’s viewpoint in order to figure out how to teach the valuable lessons.
Some parents start with teaching children how to “ask before they take something.” I think this can be a good way to introduce lessons of possession. But, what if there is no one around to ask? What if it just seems to be lying about? Some children will have a hard time learning that just because there does not appear to be an owner, doesn’t mean that there really isn’t one!
Story books, lessons, examples, consistency in the messge, and practice–those are the ways I have found to teach the difference between borrowing and stealing and what is the right way to go about asking and getting permission to use something. It normally takes time and needs to be revisited over the years as a child’s world gets bigger and things seemless black and white. I would love to hear from other parents about how they have dealt with the huge task of teaching children the difference between borrowing and stealing–any tips or ideas?
Also: Teaching Kids About Stealing