I have written a number of blogs that describe the traits that a couple might want to have in order to adopt a special needs child. It is also necessary that both of you are willing to dedicate your lives to adopting the child. I am specifically focusing on the concept that both partners need to completely “buy in” to the commitment.
First of all, I in no way mean to imply that a single person should not adopt. It will take even more dedication and the work will be even harder. There are many single people who have successfully adopted special needs children.
My focus is on the fact that the task will be almost impossible if one spouse is excited about adopting and the other is merely going along with the idea. It takes both halves of the marriage to do this.
I do know of instances were a well meaning couple has taken on several special needs children and the task was so difficult that the marriage ended. What a tragedy.
My wife always knew way down deep in her heart that she was put on this earth to raise children and work for the welfare of children. She knew that she would someday work with children when she was still a child. She worked at our former church as the children’s pastor for thirteen years.
There is no doubt that Nancy is the one that was always a “child person” and that I was the one that “saw the light” later. She performed almost all of the basic childcare duties (changing, bathing, feeding, burping, etc) when we were raising our birth children. I was out “slaying dragons” in the corporate world. The joke around our house is that I have recently had days where I changed more diapers than I did in a year when we were young.
Well into Nancy’s career at the church, I started helping her. Gradually, her love for all children, not just her own, rubbed off on me. It was a burden that I was not looking for. By the time that my love for disadvantaged people had taken hold with her, I was a fully committed “child person”. When our passions united, the direction for the rest of our lives was set.
It is not the life that many people would visualize for their retirement. That is fine. My point is that we would not be very happy if we spent the rest of our lives playing golf or traveling. We could have chosen those options.
God wired us to be the kind of people that desparately want to do just what we are doing today. He is the one that should get the glory.
Related Blogs:
Adoptive Parenting Traits, Part 2
Adoptive Parenting Traits, Part 3
Adoptive Parenting Traits, More Part 3
Adoptive Parenting Traits, Part 4
Adoptive Parenting Traits, Part 5
Adoptive Parenting Traits, Part 6