I am watching a group of children playing in a neighborhood playground. There is one child, in particular, who catches my attention as he is boasting and bragging about one talent, accomplishment and exploit after another. It dawns on me that when children are little–toddlers and preschool-aged, bragging and showing off are not only tolerated, but encouraged. The time comes, however, when it is no longer cute or endearing and we expect children do develop a sense of humility and modesty. It was interesting to me that while I was noticing the six or seven-year-old’s “showing off,” the other kids didn’t seem to take notice of it at all.
Obviously, as children age, it becomes less acceptable for them to show off and brag about their capabilities and accomplishments. While we want children to feel pride and a sense of competency, we adults certainly become uncomfortable with a child’s excessive boasting and, as children get even older, their social lives may be affected by their showing off as their peers are no longer as tolerant as the playground group appeared to be.
I think there comes a point when showing off ceases to be about pride over newly developed skills and talents, and, instead, becomes a manifestation of insecurities and feelings of inferiority. If I remember my college psychology correctly, this type of behavior can also show up in kids who are raised in a home environment that is overly-competitive and where there is a strong focus on achievement and outcome, as opposed to encouraging “trying” and the process of learning and developing.
If it is a school-aged child who seems to have a problem with boasting and showing off, parents may want to do some investigating and detective work to try to determine if the behavior is isolated (say, at home where there are siblings to compete with, around older children in the neighborhood, or at school) or if it is occurring across the board and becoming typical behavior for the child. Talking with teachers and coaches may help get an accurate picture of the situation.
If the child’s showing off tendencies are likely being fueled by low self-esteem and insecurity, treating the causes and providing positive encouragement with a focus on desirable behaviors and attitudes–instead of outcomes and measurements–may help, as well as helping a child develop his or her own unique talents and individual capabilities (so she doesn’t feel like she has to prove herself in order to attract attention.). It seems that helping a child build positive self-esteem will combat the showing off and the child will feel a natural sense of pride and accomplishment without the need to brag and boast.