To say I broke down after my divorce would be an understatement. Those first few weeks I lost all ability to function. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I could barely breathe, let alone take care of me and my son. Looking back, I’m not sure why it was as difficult for me. My marriage hadn’t been a happy one. In fact, I was really quite miserable; I just hadn’t realized it yet. More than anything I was devastated that my dream for a “perfect family” was about to go up in smoke. But, it was that breakdown that brought me to my greatest breakthrough.
For so long I felt as if I had lost control of my life. From the time I was in high school it had felt as if my life was spiraling out of control. Some of that was due to my own choices, others because of choices I had no part in, but regardless my life was in a state of chaos that I was never going to get out of. It took losing everything for me to realize where I was going and how I needed to get there. Without my divorce I’m not sure I would have ever taken control of my life. It forced me to re-evaluate who I was and what I wanted out of life. It was a year of radical changes. I switched majors, changed universities, and got my life on track so that I could meet my newfound goals. It was the year I realized that I was worth loving. I became a better mother, more committed to giving my son the life he deserved, because I was the only one there to give it to him. I learned that I didn’t need a man in my life to be of worth.
Life was rapidly changing, from something that I thought I would never recover from. I finally was in control. I finally knew who I was. I learned to trust in my decisions and to go after my dreams. This was the year that changed everything for me. Was it hard? Absolutely. I would never wish divorce on anybody. It was unequivocally the most heart-wrenching, difficult experience I have ever been through, but it was through that experience that I was able to find light in my life, and that made this breakdown more than worth the breakthrough that followed it.