If this is not your first pregnancy, you may be wondering if you should bring your other child or children to your visits. This topic has recently been discussed in our forums. There isn’t a clear answer to this question. For some it works well, but others prefer to focus on their own health care during visits.
In some cases, there isn’t really an option. If the mother has nobody to watch the other children, it may be necessary to bring them to the visit. If they are unable to bring the child, they may miss visits for lack of childcare. This is never a good option, since regular visits are important for diagnosing complications in the early stages when they can be treated successfully.
But what if you could find childcare? Should you still bring the kids or leave them? That depends on your child and your feelings on the subject. Some families view pregnancy and birth as a family event. In these families, children are welcomed not only at visits but during the birth as well. In this case, attending visits can help prepare the kids for the birth.
Some kids just love to go. Mine always did. In my last pregnancy, I usually brought my three year old to my visits because she was at home with me and her sisters were in school. They would complain when she would relay stories of hearing her brother’s heartbeat or the doctor letting her turn on and off the Doppler. She was also the only one present for the ultrasound and the first to know the baby was a brother.
Some women worry about taking the kids when they will need an internal exam. Maybe mom feels uncomfortable with the child being in the room for the exam. In the case of an older boy, this is certainly understandable. There are ways around this problem if you don’t have childcare available for the visit.
My doctor had the nurse keep my kids occupied at the nurse’s station for the exam. It only took a few short minutes and they were invited back into the room. This may not be possible in all offices, since some have a small staff and may not have nurses who are willing or able to do it. Fortunately mine were great about it and happily fed the kids chocolate chip cookies.
The other option is to put the child up by mom’s head. With my second baby, the first was a very young toddler. During those visits, I’d just put her stroller up by my head so that she was looking toward my face. I talked to her and played peek a boo. She had no idea what was happening and it was never a problem.
The only time when having the children present may be a real problem is if something is found to be wrong during the visit. In some cases, this may necessitate a trip to the hospital. In this case, childcare will have to be found fast. A call to dad or grandma may need to be made quickly since kids can’t be in the hospital with mom without another adult to watch them.
The other problem is that if a potential problem or complication is discovered, mom will be very upset. This is upsetting to the kids as well. This is actually one of the reasons that I always have my husband present when we hear the heartbeat, have an ultrasound and if I am concerned that something could be wrong. For example if I were spotting, I’d have the kids cared for at home or with a friend. In these instances, I want him there not only for our kids, but for me too.
In the end, the decision is up to you. There are as many ways to do things as there are mothers. We each have to find the course that feels right for our family. What works for your family? Do you bring your kids to your prenatal visits?
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