After going through a divorce and becoming a single parent, you will likely find the children going through adjustments just like you. The type and intensity of the adjustment will depend on a number of things such as age, personality, and the way in which the marriage ended. Obviously, you want to do everything possible to make adjustments for your child as easy as possible.
Many times, children will have a reduced level of self-confidence, some actually believing they are responsible for the divorce. Although this is not true, the child’s perspective can be skewed. Now as a single parent it is imperative that you work hard to help your child through any challenges, specifically with his or her self-confidence.
To accomplish this, help your child see his or her worth within the family unit. Be honest with your child, explaining that he or she had absolutely nothing to do with the marriage ending. I recommend you be open, answering questions, even the tough ones. You certainly do not want your child to grow up too quickly but you also want to be fair by being honest. After all, even smaller children are smart so they will know when you are feeding them a line.
You should also take this divorce as an opportunity to teach independence. Most often, a child will become more dependent on the custodial parent after the divorce. While you would expect this and you should certainly create an environment of safety and security, you can begin to teach your child that a balanced level of independence is also fine. This can be done with love, good advice, and guidance. Allow your child to start making small decisions.
Chances are your child will also need to regain footing as far as rules around the house. If you begin making major changes or let current rules slip, your child will probably feel insecure and lack self-confidence. Therefore, set up your new home using existing rules and then over time, make appropriate adjustments. This way, your child would not be overwhelmed, which could make him or her feel uneasy and unsure.
Finally, make sure you take the time to recognize your child’s potential and accomplishments. Even if you notice something small being achieved, offer praise and support. For instance, if your child were to help set the table or make the bed, let him/her know how much the help is appreciated and what a great job was done. This will definitely boost the child’s level of confidence, as well as open the door of new opportunities for building self-confidence.