Single parent families can feel fragmented—especially if children actually go back and forth and live in two homes. Of course, most of us want our children to feel cherished and attached to both sides of the family which can create some problems when it comes to creating a solid, cohesive sense of family loyalty. There are things we parents can do, however, to help build a sense of loyalty and belonging in a single parent family…
Our children need to feel as though they belong and most of us want to create a sense of “loyalty” to the family unit. In a single parent home, or a situation where a child actually has two families, this can get complicated. We don’t want our child to feel divided loyalties or as if he has to split himself up between the two homes. Sometimes parents do the tug-of-war with their children and set them up for feeling this division. Instead, we can work to create a healthy sense of loyalty and belonging.
Doing things together is the classic way to build a family bond. I have found that focusing on the positive aspects of my house and not worrying about what might be going on at the other house is a healthy way to create family loyalty. After all, with three children, they do have each other whether they are at mom’s house or dad’s—so the more they feel connected to each other, the more it adds a sense of continuity when they go from house to house.
Family traditions, time together, telling stories, and creating shared memories are all ways to create a sense of loyalty to the family. It is important as you are building attachment and memories in your household, not to try to trash or downplay traditions and experiences that happen at the other house. Take the high road and focus on the positives and I believe children will naturally develop a sense of belonging and attachment to the family or families.
Also: Setting the Expectation for Other Family Members
When Kids Feel They Have to Choose for the Holidays
You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of Your Child