Last week I started taking a weekly parenting course titled “Effective Parenting in a Defective World.” A large group of us met together to watch a video that is about 20-30 minutes long and then broke out into smaller groups to discuss how the main points apply to our individual lives. I love this format because it uses media from a nationally known teacher who is also a parent of grown children so he has lots of hands on experience, and then we get to talk with others about our own personal experiences.
Over the next several weeks, I will share at least one article per week about the main points that the speaker focuses on in the video portion of the class that personally resonates with me.
The first class I attended talked about building relationships that bond or building lasting positive relationships with our children. This is applicable for both dual parent and single parent families. The first point that hit home with me was that parents need to be our child’s #1 cheerleader. There can be so many negative things going on in our children’s lives and we should not be one of them. When they do well at something we encourage them. When they totally mess up-we still encourage them while challenging them to be all that they can be.
Another point that Mr. Ingram spoke about that really hit home was that problems, stress, and challenges are normal. I think I actually sighed out loud when he said that because there have been and are currently a lot of stressors and challenges in our lives. It is nice to know that these are constant factors in other people’s lives as well. He also said that you have to change the way you do things from time to time in response to the problems and challenges. For example, my children used to have a goal chart that had items written on it such as a few chores, homework, and other areas that they might need work on during the week like patience or being kind. They would check off when they did their chores or at the end of the day if they exhibited patience or kindness throughout the day. At the end of the week if they had the predetermined amount of checks they could pick a treat from our “Goal Can’ which had written prizes such as get an ice cream, watch an extra ½ hour of TV etc…When we first started using the goal chart they were very enthusiastic about it, but as time passed, they would forget to check off the accomplished goals, and I would neglect to check up on their progress. It became ineffective and we eventually found another way to create, measure and reward their goals. The speaker talked about the myriad of systems that he and his family used that were similar, but over time became ineffective. I did not consider in the past that the system we were using just lost its effectiveness, and that is quite common.
The final points that the Chip Ingram made are 8 keys for building relationships that bond:
1. Show unconditional love.
2. Schedule time together.
3. Focus your attention on what family members are saying-i.e. don’t multitask when having a conversation.
4. Give eye contact.
5. Have ongoing communication by eating dinner together, share a bedtime story or conversation, and have shared fun experiences together like going to the zoo or museum.
6. Offer meaningful appropriate touching such as giving a hug just because.
7. Have fun together.
8. Pray together.
I like the fact that this course uses simple down to earth suggestions and the teacher has had wonderful life experience that he can share with us. The most poignant phrase he made I think is “Life is Messy”. That it is.
To learn more about Chip Ingram or the workbook/DVD course titled “Effective Parenting in a Defective World go to http://www.walkthru.org/site/PageServer?pagename=homepage