Self-discipline is a trait that many children and adults in today’s world lack. They believe that they deserve what they want when they want it. They aren’t willing to work or wait for the things that they desire. Yet self-discipline or willpower is a trait that is valuable in school (see my blog about how willpower determines grades), work, and personal life.
Dr. Cordelia Fine suggests that willpower is a “moral muscle that is flexing and straining as you keep attention focused on a dry academic article, bite back an angry retort to your boss, or decline a helping of your favorite dessert.” But the more you use this “moral muscle” the more tired it will be. Which explains why after a long day you are more likely to snap at your children.
The way to combat “moral muscle” fatigue is to build it up and make it strong. “Evidence is starting to accumulate that the moral muscle, like its physical counterpart, can become taut and bulging from regular exercise.”
But how do you help build your child’s “moral muscle”? The key is to start early in life. Here are three things that you can teach your child that will help your child strengthen their “moral muscle” and achieve self-discipline.
Self-discipline takes work.
Here is a story that aptly portrays how self-discipline takes work. “Thunderous applause filled the concert hall. One of the world’s greatest violinists had just completed his final selection of the evening’s program. Eagerly, a woman made her way to the stage in hopes of expressing her admiration to this great artist. Threading her way through the crowd, she finally reached him. Shaking his hand, she said exuberantly, ‘Oh, I’d give my life if I could play like that!’ He promptly responded, ‘Madam, I have!'”
Everything in life takes work. Teaching our children to work and achieve is important. When my son complains that a certain level in a video game is too hard for him, my husband will remind him that the more he works at it the easier it will become. As my son plays the level over and over he eventually masters it.
Refraining from hitting back, achieving good grades, or excelling in a sport all take self-discipline and work. Do not do everything for your child allow him to work at it. If your child wants a toy don’t instantly gratify him. Let him work at home and earn money to buy it himself.
Self-discipline is a choice.
Richard L. Evans said, “Some become enslaved with compulsive habits or yield to appetites or to improper actions, and plead that they are helpless before their habit—that they are compelled, persuaded; that temptation was stronger than their will to resist. But we can choose. … We can break bad habits; we can acquire good habits; we can choose what we think by the sheer determination to do so.”
At an early age teach your child that they choose their actions. If your child hits her sibling it is because they chose to, not because of anything that her sibling did. I often remind my son that no one can make him angry, he chooses to become angry. And with that anger comes consequences that he does not get to choose. As your child practices self-discipline they will discover that they are in charge of their life and their actions. This empowers them and gives them self-confidence in their own abilities and choices.
Self-discipline brings rewards.
Often self-discipline is seen as self-deprivation. But self-discipline actually brings many rewards. Picture the child who studies hard for a test then receives an A. Or the child that practices batting over and over and scores a home run. How about the child that doesn’t retaliate and hit their sibling back, earning their parent’s praise? All of these acts took self-discipline and brought rewards. Help your child realize that many of the rewards they receive in their life are because they worked and used self-discipline to achieve them. Also remind your child that if she didn’t get the grade that she wanted or the sports success it is because she didn’t work for it. She can’t blame it on the coach, team member, or teacher only herself.