When I wrote earlier today about how our friends and support systems can change and evolve as we move through the challenges and journey of parenting, it inspired me to think about the process of building an evolving support system for our families. Most of us have heard how important it is to have a support system and to have a good, supportive community around our families, but many of us have no idea how to go about creating that. We might think that we should be able to walk out the door, find a “community” and settle in for a comfortable life. The reality is, however, that we may need to build our own community that supports and encourages us as parents.
A community serves several purposes—it supports us socially and introduces us to friends and peers who we can communicate with, but it also can encourage us as we take risks and chances, give us some social structure, introduce us to causes and philosophies, support our spiritual and religious growth, and there are even very practical and ordinary things that come from community such as babysitting, help with sick relatives, and a friend to help us through difficult times. A strong community supports us through changes and gives us other people to focus on outside of ourselves and our families and a strong community gives our children a safety net in their growing up as well. So, how do we go about building one?
Keep in mind that a community should be supportive but this does not mean you are going to adore or feel close to every person in your support community. As a matter of fact, I have found that a little challenge and diversity is what makes a support system so interesting! If you are looking for only intimate, perfect people your support system will be too small to be really strong and effective. Get involved with things you enjoy and need in your life: church, community activities, work, neighborhood projects, etc. and stay open to meeting new people. Take chances and attend new things in order to branch out and meet new people. Allow yourself and your family to be invited to activities and events and get to know people there. Additionally, do not overlook your children and their sphere’s of influence. By building alliances with teachers, other parents, coaches, and the people who are part of your children’s lives, you may make some great friends while strengthening the safety net around your child and creating a sense of community.