Wednesday when I was getting ready for a Halloween extravaganza at my house, the phone rang. “Mrs. Crow? This is Kyle’s teacher. I’m calling because I need to let you know about something that happened to him last week during school.” Immediately I knew this wasn’t going to be pleasant conversation.
She continued: “Last Thursday I had to leave the classroom for a while, and meanwhile my aide was dealing with a behavioral problem with one of the students in the hallway. So while there was nobody in the room…um…well, a couple of boys started picking on Kyle, calling him vulgar names and taunting him.” She went on to explain that these boys threatened to make Kyle “beat someone up,” and Kyle, who knows that hurting others is wrong, became upset. The boys continued to harass him. “I don’t know why, but for some reason there are several boys in our class who do not like Kyle at all,” she told me. His autistic behaviors annoy and anger them.” She told me not to worry, the boys involved had been suspended for several days, and the entire incident had been captured on videotape.
Being the Last to Know
I found myself becoming angry. “Why am I being told about this now, a week later?” For me, that was inexcusable. The teacher apologized, saying that she’d been busy with meetings and such. Still, I’d missed the opportunity to talk to Kyle about it, and now a week had passed. As is typical for autistic kids, he never mentioned it. How can a child be victimized by other students, and those bullies are formally reprimanded by the school, but meanwhile the parents of the victim aren’t even contacted?
I asked about the other students in Kyle’s class. “Aren’t they generally like Kyle, with autistic tendencies or learning disabilities?” She told me that most were troubled, with behavior or emotional problems. “How did Kyle end-up in a class with badly-behaved kids? He’s not badly-behaved. He’s got his quirks, but he is the kindest, gentlest boy around.” She agreed, saying he didn’t deserve the treatment these boys subjected him to.
“Tomorrow the suspended boys will be reinstated to school. I just wanted to let you know I’ll make sure there is supervision at all times while they are in the classroom,” she said.
Taking My Son Out of School
“No,” I said. “Kyle will not be returning to school until we’ve had an IEP meeting and arranged for a different placement. I don’t want him attending school in such a hostile situation.” She then admitted that one of the boys involved rides the bus to school with my son. “Kyle will be staying home with me until his new placement is figured out,” I insisted. We scheduled an IEP then and there.
I hung up the phone, and rather than get angry, I found myself beginning to cry. It hurt my feelings to think that there were students who didn’t like Kyle, the sweetest most compliant child around. Most of all, I felt as though I’d let my son down. Despite my careful examination of the curriculum, meeting his teachers, and orienting Kyle to the school, I had obviously not sufficiently inquired about his classmates. It’s more than troubling to me that a special needs child would ever be placed in the “detention” group of kids who are unruly and disruptive. Special needs kids need interaction with mature, empathetic, honorable boys and girls who can befriend them and model good social skills. There are plenty out there–the kind of peers who vote for Brigham Larkin to be their homecoming king.
Do You Know Your Child’s Classmates?
So I ask you, parents of children in self-contained special education classrooms, do you know what your child’s fellow students—the ones he interacts with each day—are like? What are their abilities or challenges? What behaviors are they displaying? Do you know whether they’re troubled, defiant, or emotionally disturbed? If you aren’t sure, it’s possible your special needs child has been mixed up in a big pot of we-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-these-kids stew. I wish I’d known before my son got burned.
Yesterday, Kyle slept in, sang karaoke in the basement, and went out for a cheeseburger for lunch. “Why am I not going to school?” he asked. “Oh…it’s because those boys were saying bad words, right?”
“That’s right,” I said. “You’re going to be in a new classroom soon. But for now we’ll spend some time together. Is that okay?”
“Yes, that’s okay,” he said. He clapped his hands, happily sampling a French fry.
Kristyn Crow is the author of this blog. Visit her website by clicking here. Some links on this blog may have been generated by outside sources are not necessarily endorsed by Kristyn Crow.
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