Have you ever had a calling where everything seemed to line up against you? I mentioned earlier in the month that I had recently been asked to serve as second counselor in the Relief Society presidency. Since I accepted the calling, everything has seemed to go completely wrong. Just getting through simple tasks seems to require Herculian effort.
We’ve had car problems – including totaling a van I brought along on a trip so I could attend a presidency meeting. We’ve had communication problems. We’ve had whoops-did-I-do-that problems. On the worst day thus far, I not only wound up in the wrong place for our presidency meeting with three kids in the midst of a meltdown, I drove away from the meeting only to have the car stop running – leaving me stranded – with repairs that cost more than the car is worth.
I spent most of that day in tears, questioning what I was doing wrong, whether I was really supposed to be in this calling, why was everything so difficult when I was trying my hardest….the list went on and on. Since I had already started out somewhat awed by the responsibilities of the calling, I could easily say that I wasn’t adapting too well to my new role, despite my best efforts.
As I stewed in misery, I began to think more about what was possibly happening. All of the troubles could be completely random, but I didn’t think so. It seemed like every time I tried to accomplish something to do with my calling – from phone calls to research to meetings – everything related went completely wrong. It could be all my fault, but I didn’t think so. I was putting forth my best effort, including prayers before and after everything I tried to do.
I think I’ve settled on the last one. I honestly believe that I am really needed in this calling (or, similarly, that I really need this calling to spiritually progress). I don’t say this from egotism, because I’m still not sure how I am most needed. But I have pretty much figured that Satan is really striving to keep me from being effective in this calling. He knows that I am (too easily) dismayed or depressed, particularly while pregnant – and I am VERY pregnant right now.
So what does this mean? It means that, despite my trials, I am actually rather cheerful with the way things are going. When I find myself overwhelmed, I remind myself that this really is where I need to be. When something else goes wrong, I mentally tell Satan that he’s not going to make me quit that easily. Sure, I am still hitting moments of dismay, where I just want to throw up my hands, but I am quickly reminded to turn to Heavenly Father. (Come to think of it, maybe that’s what Heavenly Father wants me to learn more of….I’ll have to ponder that one.) While I keep hoping that Satan will just give up, I am grimly determined to serve the Lord despite whatever obstacles may be thrown up. Hey, what can I say, I am insanely competitive.
But I tell you what, next time around, I’m going to ask the Lord if I can determine that I’m where he wants through simple prayer and the help of the Spirit. Surely that will be easier.
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