One of the comments I get regularly from people—new people I meet and those who are already in my life is that I must be “strong.” This has never set completely comfortably with me—not because I cannot take a supposed compliment—but more because I know how “not strong” I often feel and I also fear that many of these people might be assuming that I am so strong as to not need help or compassion. I assume that I am sending off such a strong competency “vibe” that people never bother to assume I might need a little help…
I have known other single parents and it seems many of us fall into two camps—either the ultra-strong and competent or those who are having a hard time holding it together. Many of us start out in one camp (the struggling, disorganized one) and gradually move our way to the other. Perhaps it is because strength, organization and competence are requirements for a single parent to do a decent job; or perhaps it is a defense mechanism—either way, I cannot help but think that too much of anything can get things out of balance.
There is no denying that strength—strength of character, resolve, the ability to handle all sorts of experiences and problems—is a good thing. It is particularly valuable for a single parent. Many of us have no idea how strong we actually are UNTIL we become single parents. This is one of the things I try to remember and share with other people—I didn’t really start out like this, it has been a learning process and my way of responding to the realities of my life.
So, can a person be too strong? Probably if she is rigid and unwavering and not letting her emotional and vulnerable side see the light of day—but I imagine most of us single parents feel plenty emotional and vulnerable too—the rest of the world just might not see it!
Also: Single and Sad? or Single and Sassy?
Dealing with “Not Enough” Feelings