Growing up, everyone experiences the wrath of a bully on at least one occasion. For a child with a disability, it can be a daily battle. As adults, most of us know that bullying is wrong and mean, and we try to teach our children to be nice to everyone. But for kids, this can be difficult when they are faced with the peer pressure to fit in. There is always advice being offered on how to deal with a bully at school, but is it possible to keep the bullying from ever starting in the first place? Maybe.
When my daughter, Maggie was first diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, my initial instincts were to keep her physically healthy. After about a year, I started thinking about what having CF could mean to her in other aspects of her life such as socially and mentally. Dealing with a chronic condition is difficult for anyone. But for a child it can be embarrassing and lonely. School and the pre-teen and teen years are difficult enough, but when you have a noticeable difference from the other children, it can mean isolation and years of pain. So how can we help our children fit in and avoid the torment of mean kids? Start young and educate.
I spoke with two adult CF patients about their younger years and how they got through. They both credit their parents and what their parents did and taught them during their formative years. As children, they were both taught that they could do whatever they wanted. CF was not a limit for them, no matter how many doctors told them otherwise, or how short their life span was suppose to be. They were never allowed to feel sorry for themselves and very rarely were they allowed to skip treatments. CF treatments can take hours out of each day, but to these girls, the treatments were the same as brushing their teeth. It was just something you did every day. By the time they started school, neither girl felt like she was less than anyone else nor that she had anything holding her back from excelling or anything to be embarrassed of.
When they did go off to school, their parents helped them to educate their teachers and classmates about CF. Each year, one of the girls gave a presentation to her class on what CF is, and why she would miss school on occasion and take pills before she eating. By the time she reached those dreaded middle school years, all the other kids understood her differences and paid no attention to them. She was just one of them, like everyone else. The women’s parents also encouraged them to play sports and be involved in afterschool activities, keeping them both physically and mentally strong and opening up doors for friendship building.
Education is key when it comes to chronic conditions and disabilities. Kids can be trusted with more than we allow ourselves to believe. At a young age, they can notice a difference in another child and inquire about it. However, we tell them to hush and try to downplay the situation. Being honest and upfront with children is important. Once they understand the reasons why a child is in a wheelchair or has to take medicine or coughs a lot, they are eager to help and befriend that child. Some children will even become very protective of the “different” child and a deep friendship will be born. But the education must be done early, in the first years of school, before cliques form and children become separated by their differences rather than united by their similarities.