Complain, complain, complain.
No, I’m not referring to my kindergartner, who has the ability to find quirks in the most perfect situations.
I’m referring to so-called childhood “experts,” who never seem to have anything positive to say about parents these days. Granted, there are a ton of maniacal moms and bad dads roaming the planet, who deserve to be chastised, but I know for a fact that the number of civilized parents, who are just trying to raise decent human beings, far outnumber their crazy counterparts.
So why is it that “experts” in the parenting world feel the need to continuously take aim at unassuming moms and dads?
“Giving self-esteem without portfolio.” Have you heard this new phrase?
It’s parenting “expert” lingo for over-praising children… at least according to Katie Couric.
The CBS news anchor recently interviewed Ellen Galinsky, author of Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs, and apparently we parents don’t even know how to compliment our children correctly.
According to Galinsky, parents these days tend to over-praise their children and need to learn how to encourage kids without setting them up for failure later in life.
What?
So, basically if I tell my kid that she is a superstar, I’m actually doing her more harm than good?
Yes and no, according to Galinsky.
The “expert” qualifies her statement by saying that parents should be mindful when they praise their children. For example, exclaiming, “You’re so smart!” to a kid who has just won the school spelling bee is a huge no-no, according to Galinsky, because it may make the child fear future mistakes. Galinsky maintains that too much positive feedback could potentially prompt your child to take fewer risks, if any at all, and without a few hard knocks kids won’t learn anything.
Galinsky prefers that parents recognize the effort a child puts forth rather than the outcome. So instead of telling your child that she is nothing less than the most brilliant kid in the world, consider focusing more on the process, and say something like: “You spent a lot of time on that project. I like it.” Or, “I see that you’re working hard! Good for you.”
How about leaving well enough alone?
Some kids are lucky if their parents acknowledge their existence at all, let alone dish out a compliment once and a while. Why overanalyze what is essentially a good thing? Why make parents second-guess something so benign?
“Giving self-esteem without portfolio.”
Give me a break!