Yes, therapy can hurt rather than help your marriage in some circumstances. It usually has a lot to do with the therapist. Unfortunately, there are counselors out there that are not experienced in couple’s counseling and basically see it as a side job or another way to make a few extra bucks. Make sure the counselor or therapist you choose has the appropriate credentials needed to offer marriage counseling or couple’s therapy.
Couple’s therapy should not be an extension of individual therapy, at least not via the same therapist. If you have spent time talking and sharing with a therapist, you have developed a relationship with that person. He or she has been determining what’s best for you based on a one sided presentation of your marriage.
While most therapists work hard to remain impartial it is difficult to be fair minded when it comes to the spouse that is now entering the picture, after the two of you have been discussing him or her (and his or her faults) for many months. Choosing a separate therapist for marriage counseling creates a fresh start, and a better chance that both spouses will receive a fair appraisal.
Listen to the language used by the counselor. If he or she consistently says things like, “What do you need as an individual?” that kind of language focuses on self-involved visions of happiness or fulfillment, instead of focusing on what is best for the marriage. Unless you really don’t want your marriage to work and you are looking for justification to get out, this type of therapy won’t be helpful to build a stronger marriage. In fact, it may convince the most unhappy spouse to give up and seek what he or she needs outside the marriage.
Choosing a counselor or therapist is as important as your participation. It can be a difficult process. One helpful hint is learning if the therapist has been published and reading his or her works. You might also want to seek counseling through your church, so they therapy will be in line with your values rather than being based on humanist principles, which are often not conducive to relationships centered on unconditional love.