We have talked before here in the Parents Blog about the role and importance of patience in parenting, but we have not spent as much time talking about “tolerance.” I am not talking about tolerance on a societal or community level–but tolerance and ability to show acceptance in our own homes with our own children.
Some parents can get confused about the difference between tolerance and leniency. There is a difference between healthy and reasonable tolerance and having loose boundaries. It is one thing to allow our children to misbehave and disobey rules and curfew, and another to accept their differences and allow for them to have different ways of going about things. If the things our children do or they way they do things does not hurt anyone, and is not a direct affront to our values or decent ways of living, if it is just a matter of personality or personal preference, can we take a step back and practice tolerance?
There are going to be things that our children do and behaviors that they exhibit that annoy us or bother us on some level, but if they really are not a “problem” or hurtful or wrong, can we let them go? Can we have strong enough boundaries to allow our children to have their own ways without feeling as though it is a personal affront or attack on OUR way of doing things? We do not have to feel happy or embrace those things that annoy us, but we can be tolerant. I think that patience can go hand-in-hand with tolerance when it comes to our choices as parents. By showing our children that we can be both tolerant and patient, we are allowing them to be themselves and showing them that we love them unconditionally (whether we agree with everything they do or not).