While not all single parents have another involved parent out there to contend with, many of us do. I have read articles and books that advise a “hands off” policy with the other parent–allowing the other parent to run things his (or her) way while the kids are with that parent. I try to keep my distance and stay on my own turf when it comes to my children’s father, but it definitely is not always easy. There are times when it really seems like we need to discuss things or at least come to some mutual agreement. Of course, this doesn’t always work either!
I can be quite focused on my kids and want what is best for them. While I know that their father is also concerned for their welfare and deep down I believe he is doing the best he can–I definitely do not always agree or even approve of what goes on when my children are in his care and custody. Some of this is just a difference in parenting philosophy and personality, but it is not always easy for me to just mind my own business and stay out of things. I have to admit that even though I advise other people to keep a hands off policy, and work on it myself, I am not always great at it.
Over time, as the past gets settled and buried and our children get older, I am better able to trust that my not butting in is the best way to go. My children’s father is much better at not getting into my business (at least to my face) than I have been. When it comes to my children, it is just impossible for me NOT to think that mother knows best! I really get agitated when stuff I am working on at my house gets negated or “done away with” at the other house. Then it is nearly impossible for me to keep my mouth shut and maintain the “hands off” policy. Still, I’m working on it and I do keep the “hands off” policy at the front of my mind when dealing with shared custody.
Also: Different Ideas About Boundaries
You May Have to Compromise for the Sake of the Child
Minding Your Own Business and Letting Your Ex Mind His or Hers