One of the comments I hear from parents who are trying to figure out why their children can be so different is: “We’ve raised them all exactly the same!” When I consider my own mothering and parenting over the years, it feels to me like I have surely been the same person and the same “sort” of mom to all three of my children all the time, but is that really possible? How could I really be the exact same all the time to three completely different people?
The truth is, my interactions with my children may come from the same value and belief system, and I may have some basic philosophies that govern my behaviors and parenting choices, but I have to admit that I have certainly and surely been somewhat different with each child. Different does not have to mean unfair, however. I do believe that I am rather fair-minded and there are some basic structural parameters that keep our family scene quite fair–but I know that it is not always the same.
Not to mention, life throws us challenges and curveballs. My children were at different ages and stages when I divorced and they have been to different schools, done different activities, and played different roles in family and life changes. Additionally, they are each their own unique individual selves with unique needs, quirks and personality traits that have brought out very different sides in me. So, in fact, I don’t think that all of my children have been raised the same–even if they are close in age and have been raised by the same parent in the same real time–there is just no way everything can always be exact and identical. What I can hope for is that I have been fair and consistent, while individualizing my parenting to fit each child’s needs.
Also: Responding to: “Which do You Like Better–Sons or Daughters?”
Using Your Kids to Live Out Your Dreams
You Can be a Good Example, Not a Perfect One