I think that refraining from reacting in a defensive way to criticism, a challenging customer or client, accusations, or other communication triggers can be one of the toughest things for many of us in business. Throw in the fact that we might be overworked, underpaid, and dealing with all sorts of stressors and reacting defensively may feel like the most natural thing in the world. Learning how to identify our triggers, however, and stopping the defensiveness before it lets loose are important business skills to cultivate.
What are you likely to do when you get defensive? Do you use sarcasm, blaming, anger, withdrawing from a person or situation? Do you have a tendency to lose perspective and/or make a big deal out of something minor? Do you try to shame someone else or make them feel guilty or bad as your defensive behavior? It is important to recognize what you do when you get defensive so that you can catch yourself before you say or do something you will regret.
In a business situation, it helps to recognize your physical and mental defensiveness so that you can slow things down when you feel triggered. I have learned to slow down, detach myself from the situation or interaction and then to start over. By taking a step back—even with the most challenging of customers or stressful of situations, we can remove ourselves either physically or “in spirit” long enough to react differently and start over with a different frame of mind. Some people find that counting backwards or, if you are getting triggered on a phone call, there is nothing wrong with explaining that you will have to call the person back. You can use another phone call, a meeting or appointment, or other activity as an excuse—anything to help you find the space to detach and gather yourself before your defensiveness takes control.
Also: Responding to Criticism
Working on Being Non-defensive