The reality of my single parent family is that my children’s father does not always show the greatest of respect for me. There isn’t anyone around to say “Don’t speak to your mother that way!” (except for me) and since we aren’t living in a fairy tale, I have had to contend with my kids feeling a shifting in loyalties from time to time. There isn’t anything I can do about it and I’ve had several years to learn that I have to demand and earn my kids’ respect on my own terms.
I know that I am not alone and there are plenty of single parents out there who also have to contend with less-than-rosy reputations with their child’s other parent. My approach is to try to take the high road and refuse to let myself get sucked into such things. I’m on my own here and my children will have to decide for themselves based on their own relationship with me and their upbringing whether they think I have done a decent job or not. I understand that they can feel a tug and wonder who the “bad guy” really was or is—but I have faith that they will be able to rise above that too.
All in all, I feel pretty lucky. It could be a lot worse and I know there are plenty of single parent families where things are really rough in this department. Of course there are two sides to every story and I know that my kids get their dad’s version and my version. Perhaps that happens in two-parent households too? I do believe that the “truth” will rule, however, and that even if our child’s other parent (or step-parents) do not talk about us respectfully or might make us the “bad guy” in stories and situations, our own behavior will influence our kids too. We have to respect ourselves and try (TRY!) to be as respectful and cordial as possible, and we can let our children know that we expect their respect as well. Then, we have to just hope for the best!
Also: How Friendly Do You Have to be With the Ex?
When a Divorced Mom and Dad Don’t Agree on Parenting Issues