We parents are told over and over again that consistency is one of the cornerstones of parenting—that it is important that we remain consistent in our discipline, our rules, our expectations and how we interact with our children. I took a parenting workshop a couple years ago, however, where the facilitator talked about how with some children and families—a dose of inconsistency can be a good thing.
The facilitator said that sometimes we can get in a rut and our children know exactly how to push our buttons and just what to expect. She explained that some very strong-willed children can act out MORE in extremely consistent environments and that just shaking things up in terms of how we react as parents and juggling our typical routine can improve behavior.
For example, she suggested that catching our kids off guard with songs, poems, silly games, fun food for dinner, etc. actually helps us as parents to maintain control. She used as an example a mother whose preschooler had started throwing huge temper tantrums. Whenever the child would throw a big tantrum, the mother would start singing a particularly perky song really loudly. Instead of getting involved or issuing a time-out, she just sang and sang over the top of the tantrum. It didn’t take long before the child completely lost interest in the tantrum since she wasn’t getting the desired results and the mom was definitely in control.
Now, she wasn’t advocating a loose, structure-less family life, but more looking at the individual personality and temperament of your child and seeing if things have become too predictable. Even a young child can learn to “work the system” and learn just what he or she can and can’t do, as well as how to illicit specific reactions from mom or dad. Shaking things up with a dash of inconsistency might be just what you need to improve behavior or get through a difficult developmental phase.
See Also: How Many Ways Can We Solve This Problem? and Just Say Yes