So, I’m at the support group, and I’m listening to all of the stories, and the whole time I’m thinking… “My daughter has done that”, “Yep, my daughter has done that too”, “Oh, my other daughter pulled that one…”, and I find myself wondering… Are these stories really indicative of an *adopted* child? Are these behaviors really characteristic of traumatized children? Because my children have done that… and that… and that… and that. These are my biological children I am referring to. I love my children, and I am not saying that they have been all that terrible. Everything they … Continue reading →

One of our biggest questions that we ask in regards to older children in the system, one of the questions that led us to this adoption journey in the first place, is what happens when those children become adults? Where do they end up? The simple but depressing answer is… on the streets. According to statistics, 80% of homeless youth in this country are foster children who aged out. There is another answer, though… in jail. With no home to call their own, and no family to turn to, I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. Released from the system to … Continue reading →

Something happened tonight that has prompted me to consider a lot of unexpected thoughts and questions. I recently met someone through a website… a friend, a workout buddy. We meet a couple times a week and walk together, and recently she actually invited me out for a night with some of her other friends. I was so happy to feel like there was a possibility for this relationship to develop into something more than just someone I go walking with; I was thrilled to discover that it might have potential to turn into a real friendship. I don’t have a … Continue reading →

I’m a big fan of the TV show Criminal Minds. This show, in case you have never seen it, follows the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. They profile criminals, determine the type of person they must be looking for, the personality of the criminal and the most likely progression of their crimes, all based on the actions of the criminal and the clues left behind. Tom and I were watching Criminal Minds last night, and it was an episode about a young couple who go on a killing rampage. Not a surprising story line for a show like that, … Continue reading →

Of course I understand that there are reasons why parents would willingly give up their rights to their children. People do it all the time when they put their babies up for adoption. My husband adopted our oldest child. I had her when I was young, her biological father was not ready to be a father, and he was all too happy to sign away his rights and allow someone else to take over that role. I don’t blame him for that; he was young too. I guess I always just assumed that this happened only with babies, though. Mothers … Continue reading →

The initial response received from others when announcing that you are planning to adopt varies widely. I have heard the occasional “That’s wonderful!” And that’s nice. We’re not doing this for praise, but it is nice when others can be supportive; whether it’s the reason for doing something or not, everyone likes to get a positive response to news shared with friends and family. However, what I most often hear, especially when we add that we are adopting teenagers, is more along the lines of “why?”… “Do you know how difficult that is going to be?”… “Do you have any … Continue reading →

Something that I get asked about a lot is my children’s adjustment to one another. We took three kids of different ages and backgrounds and threw them together and said “you’re family now”. It makes sense that some people wonder how that went! I have honestly been amazed at how well it has gone. Once Josiah was in our home I realized that we had a responsibility to protect him – even if that meant protecting him from his own siblings! I wondered if it would be too hard for him to have two older kids in the house, if … Continue reading →

When talking to people who have adopted older children, it seems that you almost always hear stories from two opposite ends of the spectrum. There are the families who say that their adoption of an older child is nothing but a nightmare, that it ruined their family and that their child will never function normally in a family setting. Then you talk to the those on the other side who say that their adoption of an older child has been a breeze. Everything went smoothly, they’ve had no problems, the child is a joy. Is it possible that both experiences … Continue reading →