Is It Okay to be Choosy? Part One

Many adoptive parents are partially motivated by a desire to help children. When considering adopting children with special needs, many of us struggle to balance this impulse with the very human dreams we have about raising children and with the reality of what we believe we have the energy, emotional fortitude and resources to handle. Sometimes our motives are questioned by others too. A friend of mine was challenged as to why she did not want to adopt a child with mental handicaps. If your desire is truly to help children, her interrogator said, you’ll adopt the child who needs … Continue reading →

Book Review: The Mislabeled Child

For unknown reasons, adopted children seem to have a much greater incidence of learning disorders than the general population. The Mislabeled Child can be a wonderful help for parents in getting beyond a label to the root of a child’s problem. Unlike many other books, this one also offers specific ideas, games and resources parents can use at home to strengthen certain skills. Spouses Brock and Fernette Eide, M.D.s, run the Eide Neurolearning Clinic in Washington State. They are researchers and clinicians in the field of learning disabilities. They also teach their own two children at home. The Eides share … Continue reading →

Help for Kids with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder

Jodee Kulp, adoptive parent of a teen-ager with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)and foster mother of others, is the author of Our FAScinating Journey, subtitled The Best We Can Be: Keys to Brain Potential Along the Path of Prenatal Brain Injury. This 300-page guide is both a memoir of the Kulp family’s experiences and efforts to help their daughter and an incredibly varied compilation of information and resources. The book begins with an introduction to the Kulp family, how they adopted Liz, a failure-to-thrive infant, and fostered Dave, diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Reactive Attachment Disorder, in his infancy … Continue reading →

Language and Learning in Adopted Children

Some parents who thought their children were doing very well with speech and language may find themselves unpleasantly surprised as their children begin second grade, when a higher level of language is required. Teachers have often noted poor academic performance among immigrant children graduating from English as a Second Language programs, even though the children appear to converse in English perfectly well. Educators and speech-language clinicians are learning that there are two kinds of language. Many refer to the first type as Communicative Language Fluency. This is the type of language we think of when we say a child can … Continue reading →

Principles for Talking About Special Needs

One adoption counselor was quoted as saying that all adopted children have special needs. Perhaps she was referring to extra sensitivity to separation or teasing, or to a need to have sensitive explanations of why they may have been placed for adoption or why their family looks different. Adoptive parents become accustomed to talking about differences and difficult situations. Those experiences can help not just adoptive parents, but all parents to discuss important issues with their children. Other parents are far more experienced than I am, of course. But here’s my experience. Some principles I’ve tried to maintain are: –Use … Continue reading →

Talking with Children About Special Needs

Many children who are adopted have some special needs. Children adopted from the foster care system may show emotional and behavioral needs related to neglect or frequent separations (although most of these kids do very well, contrary to the media focus on problems). Children from overseas may have a birth defect which is correctable by relatively routine surgery common in this country but not in theirs, for example a cleft palate or club foot. In some cultures facial differences can make life harder and these children may be more likely to be placed for adoption. Parents may consider a child … Continue reading →

Are Asians Misdiagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder?

My last seven blogs have told a very personal story, but it may not be as unique as I thought. The very next summer after our Two Months of Hell, a coworker at our church was in tears—her son and daughter, adopting from Korea, had received the referral and photos of a little boy the whole family had fallen in love with—then the doctor made dire predictions about fetal alcohol exposure. “We’re all just crying our eyes out,” the grandmother-to-be said. Later these concerns were proven unfounded. The child was adopted by this family and doing just fine. At least … Continue reading →

Misdiagnosis!– or, How Much Harm Can a Bad Snapshot Really Do?

This is the fifth blog continuing our family’s saga of considering whether to adopt our daughter’s biological sister, who was exposed to alcohol in utero. In looking for evidence of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, doctors a few years ago commonly examined photographs looking at the eye size and shape, the “flatness” of the face, the nasal bridge. At one point I was told that “almond-shaped eyes and a flat nasal bridge are indicators for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome”. Hello?! !? The child is Korean, remember? She’s supposed to have almond-shaped eyes and a flat nasal bridge! Am I in the 21st century … Continue reading →

A Perilous Path to a Prognosis

There are some weird twists and turns to the following story. (This is the fourth blog in the most personal series I’ve ever written—the agony of learning our daughter’s birth sister had suffered significant prenatal alcohol exposure , then our subsequent confusion, then our search for a diagnosis. ) I need to begin by stating that 1) this was several years ago, research on fetal alcohol exposure was fairly new and is changing all the time and 2) I was talking with several specialists and reading a lot of information and it is possible I misunderstood some things or mixed … Continue reading →

Turning Down a Referral

I’d somehow always thought I’d adopt a child with a physical special need. My husband and I were open to correctable medical conditions. On the photolistings most agencies maintain, we saw the profile of a little girl with congenital cataracts and a cleft palate. I’d seen her pictures before, then she disappeared from the case studies for a while and I assumed she’d been adopted. When she reappeared after our homestudy was complete, it seemed like a sign. The cleft palate was treatable. She would likely see with coke-bottle thick glasses until she was a teenager when she would have … Continue reading →