Backlash Against Korean Adoptees/Families?

Some Koreans, and adoptive parents of Korean-born children, have expressed fear of a backlash since the Virginia Tech shootings by a Korean-born young man. Seung-Hui Cho was a South Korean citizen and a legal permanent resident of the US who came here at the age of eight. I have not personally encountered racism as a multiracial family except on one occasion when another child said of (and in front of) my daughter, “She doesn’t look like an American.” I have worried that if tensions escalated with North Korea Koreans might be judged on their appearance the way some people of … Continue reading →

Feeling Different from Family?

My mother is worried. She is worried that taking our daughters to Korean culture camp, Korean lessons and Korean-adoptee playgroups will make them feel different from the rest of us. Part of me wants to roll my eyes at her and scream, “I think they’ve noticed we’re a bit different, Mom.” While we’re lucky to live in a pretty diverse community, my daughter does hear people ask me where her mother is. She’s heard someone make a condescending remark about how my children obviously have different fathers. She’s even been told once by another child that she “doesn’t look like … Continue reading →

I Forget We Don’t Look Alike

“Are you his mother?” I was really surprised when the nurse asked me that question. We were at the doctor for another of Jayden’s ear infections and had just walked into the room. Jayden was cuddled close to me and holding on tight because he is terrified of all things related to doctors. My first thought was, “Of course I’m his mother!”. Then I remembered that we don’t look a thing alike and so I kindly answered “Yes, I’m the mother. He was adopted from Guatemala.” The nurse smiled and we went on with the appointment. I remember reading an … Continue reading →

Would They Have Done That To Me?

A recent comment on Ed’s blog Black Males Are Lagging Academically refers to “the heartbreaking moment when a child discovers he is Black”. I think my Asian daughter had a similar experience this past month. At a recent meeting of adoptive parents, we heard the speaker say, again, that parents of color prepare their children for racism before it happens and we should do the same. We were all resistant, saying we didn’t want to put it into our children’s heads that bad things would happen, maybe it would be a while yet, we live in a largely Asian city, … Continue reading →

Getting a Good Reception

In my last blog, I wrote about putting up with negative views taken by some people when they see all of our family together. There are certain groups of people who usually have a more positive opinion. I have already written several blogs about the positive acceptance that we have seen from a number of African Americans . I have been thrilled by the response of my mother’s friends. When we adopted the boys, I was worried about it. My mother is in her eighties and has lived in the south all of her life. In the fifties, when my … Continue reading →

Dealing With The Public Perception

If you have adopted children that do not look like you, you have to learn to ignore some people’s negative reactions. I am writing about the glance that turns into a stare that occasionally turns into a glare. If you are not familiar with my family, my wife and I are 60 and 52 (Nancy’s birthday is today) and white. Our adopted children are ages two through eight and biracial. Even though they are maternal brothers, they show a lot of ethnic diversity. We look like a United Nations group. We live in the country outside of Houston, Texas. I … Continue reading →

I Have a Dream

My daughter’s first grade is spreading the Martin Luther King Jr. Day theme out over the month by having one student per day share with the class their “dream for the future”. I spent some time on Sunday helping her organize her presentation. I have always thrilled to Reverend King’s voice and vision. But suddenly it seems a bit more personal than before. Whenever I was asked to “share a dream” for the future of our world, it was usually about somebody else. A good dream, yes, compassionately motivated and earnestly desired. I was willing to help contribute to it. … Continue reading →

Choosing Whether and How to Adopt Transracially–Our Decision

Adoption workers usually advise people considering transracial adoption to consider how their families and communities will accept and support a child of a different race, realizing that the child will not be a baby forever–transracial adoption means having a teen-ager and grandchildren of other races. The next question is whether the parents have resources to help the child feel pride in his/her culture, and whether the child will see role models who look like him/herself. We felt that the first issue was not a problem. (In fact my parents had nearly adopted an African-American boy themselves—that adoption never took place … Continue reading →

More African American Support of Transracial Adoption

In a previous blog, I gave examples of how African American people have shown me that they support our racially mixed family. I have also previously related that Matthew Walter and I spent the night out on his birthday. One of the things that we did was go to a place that could have been named “kid’s heaven”. It had every kind of video game in existence. There were all these virtual reality machines that you could get in and it made you feel like you were on a roller coaster or flying on a crop duster. It also had … Continue reading →

My First Venture Into the Ghetto

About 35 years ago, I started my first real job. It was not long before I had to schedule a business trip to New York City. That sounded like a big deal to a young man from a town with 50,000 people. I had noticed in the newspaper that my favorite baseball team was playing a double hitter on Sunday against the Mets. I went to New York a day early and made a hotel reservation near Shea Stadium. I took a taxi from the hotel and watched both games. Being in New York for the first time was very … Continue reading →