Adopting as a Single Parent: The Homestudy

Most adoptive parents are nervous about the “homestudy”, single parents perhaps more than most. The term “homestudy” refers both to the process of pre-adoption meetings with a social worker and the report the social worker prepared based on those meetings, and on letters of reference and evidence of financial stability. The homestudy includes a visit to the house, but contrary to reputation it is not about primarily about the house. It is not about wealth, neatness, or organization. You do not even have to own your home. The only requirement is that the home has space for another child. Our … Continue reading →

Arrival Parties

Maybe some of you have witnessed an international adoption placement at an airport. I remember seeing one while I was in college. There were a couple dozen people, balloons, and one very scared looking tot. Many people who adopt have waited a long time to have children. Sometimes they do not have the baby showers or other preparatory celebrations that expectant parents enjoy. The adoption of their child is one of the biggest events in their lives, and they want to celebrate with everyone. Grandparents and friends are eager to show they accept and support the new family. But imagine … Continue reading →

Introducing Yourself to Your Child—Part Two: The Meeting

US adoptions often have a “Transition” period built in when children are moved from a foster home to an adoptive one. The ideal is to have the adoptive parents visit the child in his/her familiar space, for the foster parents to greet the adoptive parents so the child sees that foster mother is comfortable with them therefore they can probably be trusted, then have the foster parent begin a caregiving task such as giving a bottle or a bath then having the adoptive parent finish it. This gives the child “permission” to accept nurturing from the adoptive parents. There are … Continue reading →

How Do You Introduce Yourself to Your Own Child? –Part One: Prepare Them

Unlike mothers who deliver a baby, I was not one of the first people my child saw or even depended on. She had a birthmother, then two hospitals, then a loving foster mother for ten months, who as far as she knew was her mother. She had a name and a history before I ever met her—or before she ever met me. Some things adoptive parents do are send pictures the child can look at. Our agency required this if the child was over eight months old. We used one of those soft cloth book baby albums with plastic slots … Continue reading →

Saving the World

I have written a number of blogs which describe the traits that potential adoptive parents of special needs children might want to have. It is time to write about an attitude that will make it harder to adopt. If you think that you will be able to “change the world”, you can expect to have your sails trimmed. I am more than familiar with this attitude. My wife and I launched into many a project knowing that we would be able to conquer any problem that appeared. Fortunately, we had already discovered by the time that we were ready to … Continue reading →

Fast Transitions

Length of transitioning varies from child to child. With older children, longer transitions are typically much more beneficial. Transitioning can be very critical to your child’s future and their sense of security. Our second son was only five and a half months old when he was placed with us. His transition happened in one week’s time. My husband and I spent all but one day with him; we brought him home to play, try out his crib, then brought him back to his foster mother. Though there appeared to be some grief the first few nights he was with us, … Continue reading →

Should You Use an Adoption Agency?

If you are thinking about adopting children from your state’s foster system, you will need to decide whether to deal directly with the state agency or to use an adoption agency as an intermediary. This article will discuss the pros and cons of this decision based upon my experience. We did use an adoption agency and we are glad that we did. The social worker from the state agency was not always honest with us. Her main concern seemed to be limiting the amount of time that she had to spend on the case. This tendency always seemed to affect … Continue reading →

While Waiting to Adopt

The hardest part of the adoption process I hear about from others is the waiting! I call it the “Hurry up and wait” game. Anyone who’s played it, I’m sure will agree, it’s not a fun game. There are some things that you can do during the waiting that will not only help pass time, but actually help you stand out as a waiting family. Take advantage of special opportunities with your current family. When my husband and I were waiting, we would take day trips to the ocean and the mountain. We took long aimless drives at night (gas … Continue reading →

Buying For Your Adopted Child

One of the biggest frustrations I always face after receiving a referral is the desire to buy things for that child. For me, preparing my home for our child is a way of claiming them as my own. However, the instability of the adoption process can make this difficult. Often you don’t know when your child will be coming home and what size or age they will be when you finally bring them into your family forever. The practical thing to do would of course be to wait until you are only a few weeks away from your child’s arrival … Continue reading →

Considerations in Adoption: Prenatal Drug and Alcohol Exposure

Ideally when a prospective adoptive couple or individual are planning on adopting, they are hoping to adopt a healthy baby or child. Often a couple won’t consider adopting a child whose birthmother used drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. Let me make note, before going further, that using drugs and alcohol during pregnancy is wrong. However, it is an unfortunate reality that women do use drug and alcohol during pregnancy and if you decide to rule out a prenatally exposed baby you are ruling out a large portion of adoptable children. In the past few decades long term research has been … Continue reading →