The Kids Are Stressed

My husband and I were sitting around today thinking of all the things that have gone wrong in our lives since we have been married. Now I am not talking about us adopting the three wonderful kids that we have I am strictly talking medical. First my husband got diagnosed with testicular cancer and then the next year I had to have emergency appendectomy and then got diagnosed with breast cancer. Since that I have had 23 surgeries for reconstruction and problems related to it. I had to have my gallbladder removed. My husband is now in the hospital for … Continue reading →

Adoptive Mothers Breastfeeding? Yes!

Many people are surprised to learn that adoptive mothers can and do breastfeed. While pregnancy hormones are a help in producing a milk supply, what really starts the process of lactation is the action of the baby sucking on the nipples. Some adoptive mothers are able to totally breastfeed their children. Others whose milk supply is lower can still give their baby the unique nourishment in breastmilk while supplementing with formula. An adoptive mother wishing to breastfeed will need to prepare. In addition to learning everything she can about breastfeeding, she usually begins using a breast pump a few weeks … Continue reading →

Adjustment at Home

“I cannot believe how beautifully she’s adjusted,” my mother said. Most people echoed her feelings. My daughter, who arrived home two weeks before her first birthday, seemed beautifully adjusted during the day. Although she at first cried if my husband or I were not in the room, when we were in the room she would sit and play and interact with adoring friends and relatives. They marveled when she crawled or babbled. Even though eleven month-olds are supposed to crawl and babble, it still seemed like a miracle—both because we were witnessing it for the first time, and because it … Continue reading →

Ease Your Child’s Transition: Learn Cultural Child Care Practices

Rachel’s recent blog on babywearing reminded me of the many hours I spent wearing my one-year-old daughter Meg in a traditional Korean podaegi, a quilt-like baby carrier, and how much it comforted her while she was grieving for the foster mother who had cared for her for ten months. This got me thinking about the difference in child care among cultures. I would urge adoptive parents to learn as much as they can about child care in their child’s country, and if possible how your child in particular was cared for. Especially for the older baby or toddler, keeping some … Continue reading →

Baby Wearing and the Adopted Toddler

If you have done much reading on helping your adopted child attach then you probably have heard of baby wearing and are familiar with its’ benefits. Just in case you have never heard of baby wearing, though, here is a simple definition: Carrying or “wearing” your child close to your body in a sling or other carrier in order to promote bonding and attachment. Baby wearing has been shown to have many benefits for all children, but especially for adopted children. It provides closeness that encourages bonding, it keeps your child at your level and it allows your child to … Continue reading →

Helping Children with a Dual Reality of Birthdays

Birthdays are a time of great joy for children, and for families as they celebrate the gift of their child. Yet some adopted persons report feelings of sadness around their birthdays. Persons who were adopted must deal with the dual reality that on their birth date, something joyous happened certainly, but often something sad happened as well. Perhaps they were born into sad circumstances, or their birth was the occasion for their permanent separation from their birthmother. Other children hear, nearly every birthday, details surrounding their birth, how their parents couldn’t wait for it, how wanted they were. But around … Continue reading →

Stockholm Syndrome and Attachment Disorders: My Thoughts

It might seem odd that I find a connection between Stockholm Syndrome and Attachment Disorder but, for some strange reason I do. In our walk as adoptive parents I have found many who doubt the true depth of an attachment disorder, and tell us they simply don’t understand what the problem might be with a child who can’t accept and love parents after living a difficult life. Yet, these same doubters are willing and able to accept the fact that a well adjusted person could be kidnapped and abused into bonding with their captors? Stockholm Syndrome is a term used … Continue reading →

Attaching from Far Away – Older Children

Yesterday, I posted a blog on how to begin to facilitate attachment with adopted babies and toddlers before they come home. Today, I want to talk about doing the same with older children. One of the benefits of adopting an older child is that your older child will likely be aware that they are being adopted. Older children have the chance to prepare emotionally for the changes that are about to happen. It is important that you take advantage of this and do everything you can to help prepare your child. Though it may be limited, you should be able … Continue reading →

Attaching from Far Away – Babies and Young Toddlers

Often when adopting a child internationally, you will know about your child several months (or possibly longer) before you are able to bring them home. During this time, most adoptive parents will begin to feel an attachment to their child. Many hours are spent staring at pictures, preparing a room, shopping for toys and clothes. By the time this long-awaited child arrives, the adoptive parents already feel very close to him or her. However, for the child it is a completely different situation. A baby or younger toddler does not know that they are being adopted. As far as they … Continue reading →

Ten Ways to Support To A RAD Mom.

Reactive Attachment Disorder, RAD is one of those things other people don’t really notice. The reactive part is usually seen and felt the most by the primary caregiver–or the mom in most cases. What a RAD Mom needs the most is support from others in ways you may have never thought of. 1. A RAD Mom needs help teaching her child with Reactive Attachment Disorder that mom’s are in charge of taking good care of their children. And that their mom is a good mom who takes care of her children. 2. A RAD Mom needs friends who don’t hug … Continue reading →