Being true to who I am?

I have found myself in a situation, one which has potential to affect the adoption proceedings, and I haven’t a clue what to do. Unfortunately, I am going to have to be very vague here. This situation requires it. I might have to do something to help another member of my family. Normally I wouldn’t even hesitate to help out a member of my family… However, what may need to be done will affect our home study. It would likely result in our no longer being approved for the adoption. Since the idea of adopting itself was brought about by … Continue reading →

Saying “I Love You”

My daughter asked me a question the other day, and it has gotten me thinking. Considering the changes that will take place, and how we, as a family, will deal with them. She said she loves me, and then she asked if I thought the child we adopt would say that. I don’t think for a second that a child we adopt will come into this family and immediately tell everyone how much she loves them. Actually, she may never feel that, and if she doesn’t mean it I don’t want her to say it. I have a thing about … Continue reading →

Match #3: Surprises along the way…

We’ve been presented with another match, and when I read the information I was convinced this was an absolute “No.” There was very little hesitation from me this time around. Although I still feel horribly bad saying that, there are just some things we absolutely cannot accept… at least not at this point in time. Still, I discussed the child with Tom. I thought, after sixteen years together, that I had him figured out. I sort of thought I had a good handle on the type of person he is, and I thought I could predict the type of child … Continue reading →

My children’s perspective – “Discoveration”

I went for a walk today with our youngest daughter, and I decided to use that small bit of alone time to talk to her about her feelings and thoughts about the adoption. In our house there is always someone else around, and I realized that I hadn’t had a chance to really talk about this one-on-one with each of our children. So I figured it might be a good idea to ask them each how they felt, during a time when there wasn’t anyone else around to put words in their mouths or interrupt them. When we have talked … Continue reading →

Anniversary Celebrations in Adoptive Families

My last blog talked about rituals and celebrations for adoptive families. Of course, adoptive families celebrate the normal family occasions such as birthdays. While these absolutely should be celebrated, sometimes an adoptive child may also feel sadness on their birthday, as they realize that it is the anniversary not only of their birth, but of that their birthparents decided not to parent them. (I have written a blog that talks about helping a child deal with mixed feelings surrounding birthdays.) Many adoptive parents also celebrate “Gotcha Day” on the anniversary of the day they received the child. Some parents try … Continue reading →

When What Kids Hear is Not What You Say

My last blog talked about my shock when my Regina, aged seven, reacted to a film showing a young St. Patrick being captured and taken to Ireland as a slave by remarking that St. Patrick was being “adopted”. I described a conversation I had with her the next day, asking her what she’d thought, and she’d talked about adoption meaning being taken from one country to another to live. I got in a few points of clarification before she lost interest. After that conversation, I remembered that two days before we watched that movie, Regina had overheard my telling her … Continue reading →

Is “Mother” Jewelry Insensitive?

A while ago, there was a debate on a listserv for parents who’d adopted from Korea. It was triggered by an advertisement for jewelry with the Korean letters spelling “omani”. Many adoptive mothers embrace wearing the jewelry as a part of honoring their Korean-American children’s birth culture. But one writer, after wearing the jewelry for years, imagined herself meeting her child’s birthmother while she was wearing the “umma” bracelet. Would the jewelry cause pain to the birth mother? Would it seem to be a usurpation of a role as Korean mother that the adoptive mother was not? Heated debate ensued … Continue reading →

What if she wants to be a cheerleader?

As I’ve written, I enjoy the differences between my daughters and me. I’m even learning to enjoy outspokenness, extraversion and being a sports nut, all foreign to my own experience and leanings. But we probably all have some biases, don’t we? I know I really, really hope my kids will attend a four-year liberal-arts college like my husband and I did. I really don’t care what they do after that. (Actually, in this economy, I’m encouraging my oldest to learn plumbing and drywall. ) But there is something else, something which seems to symbolize everything that I was not, every … Continue reading →

The Kids are All Right

I’ve had some forced time at home the last few weeks, due to a nasty virus (not H1N1; I had myself tested). In some ways it’s been good to slow down. I had time alone with Regina this week, and time just watching the kids come and go and play with their friends in the yard and hang out at home, and I thought to myself once again, “I can’t believe I’m the mother of these great kids. I am the luckiest mom.” And no, the sentiment for my biological son wasn’t any different than my feelings for my daughters. … Continue reading →