The Subjective Experience of Being a Father

What does it mean to be a father? How do I “be” a father? What does a father “do?” What is important is what being a father means to you as a father. To me, with a part Norwegian heritage, something more permanent than becoming a Marine, I like to tease and joke with my children. I get the better part of the relationship, though. They have a funnier sense of humor than I do. But they know their father cares and interacts with them, and sometimes they even laugh at my jokes and teasing. Of course being a father … Continue reading →

Getting Kids to Exercise

I grew up with parents who normally did not exercise, unless their employment demanded it. This was due to how they were raised, and what their society taught them. This had negative effects on their health later on, one parent being depressed, and going from doctor to doctor without being helped in any major way, the other being an extreme puzzle for the doctors, who finally acknowledged they didn’t know what to do with him. Both my biological parents died from heart attacks and strokes, one at the early age of 56. Going to school, and socializing with people who … Continue reading →

It’s a Girl!

After wondering what it would be like to be a parent, I finally got to hold a little pink girl in my arms, my first child. We thought she was going to be a boy, and it took two more children to persuade me to give up guessing what gender my unborn children were going to have. With all the drama that happened getting from California to Utah, and then attending to the birth of my first child at home (Tristi was in labor twenty hours) I was glad to have a child, but not in the position to feel … Continue reading →

My Adventure with Our First Birth

I lost my job ten days before I married Tristi, and I had to scramble to get any kind of employment. Part of that employment, when Tristi became pregnant with our daughter, Caryn , was a part-time job with the Army National Guard. This had its ins and outs. For one thing, I was not paid very much, making about $8.00 an hour in spite of my bachelor’s degree. The Guard was good to me in other ways, one of them being willing to train me as an administrative clerk in a camp near Dublin, California. This made things exciting … Continue reading →

Looking For My Father

When I was twenty-seven, I decided to come to Utah to find my biological father. It wasn’t difficult to locate him, and he seemed genuinely glad to be reunited with me. It was a strange, bittersweet experience. As I met his other children, I got to be around people who looked like me and had similar talents and intellects for once. As my father and I interacted, I slowly began to understand why my parents were not able to stay together. The problems went far beyond incompatibility. They were incapable of being there for each other. They each had severe … Continue reading →

Husbands and Home Births

Shortly before I began dating Tristi, I read Arthur Janov’s book, “Imprints: The Lifelong Effects of the Birth Experience,”and began to understand why having children at home, without drugs, might be helpful to them and their mother. I didn’t necessarily agree with everything Arthur had to say, but his book did open my mind to the possibility that many children don’t need the full hospital interventions that often happen in America. According to Dr. Janov, babies born without drugs, whether at home or not, tend to be less irritable, and grow up with fewer psychological issues. When I asked Tristi … Continue reading →

I’m Going to Be a Father?

When my wife, Tristi, told me she was expecting, I have to admit, I wasn’t very positive at first. I had been fired my job ten days before getting married, which was about two months before this, and had no way to support my family. I’d been looking for work ever since. We had moved to a tiny attic apartment close to the place of work that had laid me off, and we then had to pay for additional gas in order to get to other jobs. I didn’t realize this was an opportunity to make good the mistakes my … Continue reading →

What Did My Fathers Teach Me?

What did my fathers teach me? Well, because they were human, they taught me both positive and negative things. It pays to break down what they taught me. Of course, my fifteen years of fathering imparts a few lessons, as well. Here are the lessons, positive and negative mingled: From my biological father – if you have lost your children, for any reason, don’t give up looking for them until you find them. Be ready to respect their differences of opinion – especially if you are very opinionated yourself and/or are from a family of strongly opinionated people. From my … Continue reading →

My Next Chapter

After my biological parents divorced, my mother’s high school boyfriend came for a visit, proposed, and she married him. I have memories of getting a birthday card from a new grandmother wishing me happy fourth birthday with an elephant beating a drum as I boarded the Amtrak train to Los Angeles, California. My new father and my mother decided to have him adopt me in order to obtain complete custody of me and my sister. Thus I now have birth certificates from two U.S. states. My second father seemed to try harder, and was more consistent. He paid the bills, … Continue reading →

Missing Our Son on the Big Drive

One of the things that inevitably happens when we take a long trip is that I don’t get to see much of our son. Most of the time this would be because of my job as the driver, eyes fixated on the road, while he sits in the back. It is painful to not be able to interact with him on such a drive (our long drives are 15 hours straight). I never knew how much I appreciated that minimal contact, though, until we were moving. With his aunt coming down to help us pack (and, thankfully, ride back in … Continue reading →