Two little boys are out playing in the sandbox. One steals the other’s toy car. The wronged child hauls off and slugs the thief, and they tussle until their energy is spent. Two minutes later, they’re happily playing again, the confrontation resolved and forgotten. Two little girls both wear the same style of shirt to school. Each thought she’d look unique, and they are both upset that they match, but instead, they compliment each other and laugh. But during lunch, one “accidentally” spills her drink on the other girl, drenching her shirt. These two scenarios are completely made up, and … Continue reading →

As I mentioned before, I have a friend who’s getting married soon, and she’s been full of questions about marriage and how to make relationships work. As we’ve talked, I’ve noticed a common theme in many of my answers to her – the theme of trust. When you agree to marry someone, that is the first big step of trust you take. You’re telling them, “I trust you to be my partner and to take care of my emotional needs.” As you enter into the marriage, you’re telling them, “I trust you to be honest with me and to be … Continue reading →

As I mentioned earlier, a friend of mine is getting married and has questions about how to make her relationship as successful as possible. She gave me permission to share some of her questions, and my answers, with you. Q. What are some causes of divorce you’ve seen personally? A. Earlier today, we saw a list of causes that can apply to couples anywhere. The causes I have personally witnessed are subheadings of each of these causes. The first and most common cause I have witnessed is pornography. I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, … Continue reading →

A good friend of mine is getting married shortly, and she’s had a number of questions about marriage and how to cultivate a good relationship with her new husband. As we’ve conversed, she’s given me permission to share some of her questions, and my answers, with you. Q. What are the leading causes of divorce? A. This is a very natural question – divorce is so common these days, it’s almost impossible to contemplate marriage without wondering if it will end in divorce. As I look into it, the causes seem to largely be these. Poor communication – when one … Continue reading →

I think we’ve all heard friends or family members make critical comments about their spouses, and I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of that ourselves. Sometimes it’s easy to fall in the trap of fault-finding when life gets stressful and things aren’t going our way. But as we contemplate our blessings at this time of year, I’d like to encourage each of us to spend some time thinking about the wonderful qualities our spouses possess that make us thankful we have them in our lives. Right now, I’m particularly thankful for my husband’s thoughtfulness. I had a little outpatient procedure … Continue reading →

In the early years of our marriage, the threat of leaving became our default position in a distressing number of our fights. For me, the devastation of feeling totally misunderstood, my efforts unappreciated, and my actions unfairly judged left me thinking that there was only one way out, and that way was out the door. Over the years, however, I have come to understand a few things: 1) There is hardly ever just one way out; 2) If you are truly committed to the marriage, leaving is not an option; and, 3) Control is at the root of most conflict. … Continue reading →

Last week, Dale posted her thoughts on the family bed. You can read her blog here. My experiences have been different, and so I’d like to take a moment to share them. I can’t sleep if the baby is in the other room where I can’t hear them. When I have a new child, I’m only able to relax if I can feel them breathing next to me. So, we’ve done the family bed with all four of our children, and they move into their own beds when they’re about a year old. This allows me to get a good … Continue reading →

When Matt, the man who would become my husband, and I started dating, he was thirty-three and I was eighteen. As we grew closer, got engaged, and then married, we came to understand that age can be just a number, or it can make all the difference. Looking at the situation now through the eyes of a parent, I can honestly say that if my daughter were to come home with a man so much older than herself, I would probably call the Mafia and see if I could arrange a hit. I’ve heard of (and seen) too many situations … Continue reading →

It seems to be a trend these days for young mothers to want to have baby sleeping in the room with them and in some cases in the bed with them. I have to admit, it is not something we ever did with ours. My thoughts are children need to get used to being in their own room and own bed from the beginning. For starters, I don’t think it is fair on the husband to expect him to share a bed with baby. The husband can often feel he has to share his wife more than enough already once … Continue reading →