Marriage: Observations on Life

For most of us, marriage is a given. It’s one of those things we seem pre-programmed to do in our society much like going to school and getting a diploma and today, continuing to college and getting a degree. Despite statistics, most of us will get married at least once without any idea of what to expect when we do. We think we know, based on our observations of marriages around us. Observations on Life Marriage is not supposed to be easy. Marriage is a series of never ending challenges that requires us to look inside and outside ourselves for … Continue reading →

Will This Couple Stay Together?

When we go to a wedding or hear about an engagement, we all wonder will they make it? Will that couple stay together? We’ll think about all the things they’ve done together and all the things they’ve shared and we think about it. We can’t help it, especially those of us who have grown up seeing our parents, parents of our friends divorcing. I, myself, grew up raised by a single mother and my grandmother. My grandfather died before I was born and I never knew my father. A study was discussed recently in Psychology Today that found many a … Continue reading →

To Love and To Cherish: Not To Be In Love and To Court

Are you in love with your spouse? Seriously, think about the question and then think about this one: is your spouse in love with you? Now, while you have those questions and answers in your mind, think about these questions: Do you love your spouse? Does your spouse love you? I would hazard a guess that the answer to the first two questions is no and the second two questions is yes. Now realize, this is very subjective post today because I was thinking about something I heard on television earlier. (Yes, I know, I shouldn’t fall asleep watching television … Continue reading →

Marriage: The Human Life Cycle

For all of us, there is a natural cycle to life. This cycle pauses or passes through various stages that many of us are familiar with. These phases or stages prepare us for the future – including future decisions and phases. Among the most natural parts of our lifestyle include: Infancy Childhood Adolescence Early Adulthood Midlife Old Age All of us go through these stages or phases as we grow, develop and age. It’s important to understand that our marriages go through a similar life cycle or stages and that each stage prepares us for the next. These stages can … Continue reading →

My Spouse is Letting Him or Herself Go

When you get married, it’s not atypical to see your spouse at their worst. Unlike when you’re dating, primping is no longer a priority. But there’s a difference between being comfortable without makeup and sitting around in your grungy clothes and letting yourself go. So what do you do if your spouse is letting him or herself go? External changes are usually indicative of internal changes. If you are the one who has done the changing, consider when and how it became okay in your own mind to be less fun, less attractive, less outgoing or in some way less … Continue reading →

Newlyweds and Stress

The big arguing points for newly weds are finances and circumstances, and the first few months can be very stressful if you are forced to live somewhere uncomfortable while you are looking for a bigger apartment or waiting for your new house deal to close. If this is the case, you may end up staying with in-laws for a time, and that can be extremely hard on newly weds. If you are in her mother’s house, mom may not be entirely ready to let go of her little girl, or if it’s a case of staying with his parents, you … Continue reading →

Who is this Person?

If you’ve already been married for a while, this one probably won’t come as much of a surprise to you. This discussion is intended for those about to get married, and those who are newly married. When it comes to marriage, nothing will let you down faster than a big dose of reality. Your princess or your white knight may disappear once the wedding is over and you return from your honeymoon. You will soon begin learning your spouse’s imperfections, and he or she will begin learning about yours. Finding out what the person you love is really like, on … Continue reading →

Money Can be a Problem for Marriage

Money problems are one of the oldest and most difficult problems that confront married couples whether they have been married for five days, five months or five years. So deciding how money is going to be handled is among the most difficult decisions and one where all the guidance in the world does not provide a sure-fire formula for what will work. There is a great book on the subject called Financial Planning for Couples by Adriane G. Berg. Berg makes the observation that a couple will know what feels fair. If it feels fair – then it’s right. Joint … Continue reading →

Marriage: It’s Not Called Dating for a Reason

As we’ve discussed previously, living together is not like being married — in fact – many couples who have cohabitated and then married agree that there is a different emotion, feeling and expectation associated with marriage that is not present in cohabitation. Similarly, while I have also talked about the need for married couples to enjoy couple time and date nights, marriage is not dating. When We Date Dating in the United States is a mixture of courtship, friendship and romance. Many individuals may date without ever expecting the relationship to go anywhere. A date happens because one individual or … Continue reading →

Life Management Skills

When it comes to getting married, too often the burdens of expectation are not jointly delivered with the education to support life after marriage. For many of us, products of mixed, blended and single-family homes – there is no automatic assumption of what one does when one gets married. In fact, when I got married I remember thinking what do I know about marriage? Seriously, what did I know? I knew how to be me. I knew that my husband and I were best friends. I knew that we could have a great time together. I knew we’d enjoyed getting … Continue reading →