Improving Intimacy

I felt challenged recently to write this blog. The web content company that I work for has some new assignments for me, lifestyle articles. I am used to writing about the law, so this was a great opportunity to write about something different. When my editor was describing the content, she said, “Think Cosmopolitan.” Okay, I haven’t picked up one of those magazines in ages…probably a good 20 years. Thankfully I was able to opt out of certain topics that would make me uncomfortable but we had an interesting “discussion” via Skype on whether that magazine really holds any water. … Continue reading →

When to Ask the Big Questions

Last time I examined whether or not premarital counseling ought to be a considered option for couples before they marry. Today I’ll look at another part of the question: how much couples should know about each other before they approach the altar. The main reason why premarital counseling might be a good idea is because sometimes people don’t know the sorts of things they ought to know about each other before they get married. The idea was sparked by a girl who called into my local radio station to say that she’d signed herself and her fiance up for counseling. … Continue reading →

Shakespeare and Romance: Romeo & Juliet

One of the reasons why I often like to facilitate discussion about my type of romance is because I feel that it isn’t represented much in the media. We draw some ideas of our cultural norms from the media, so others like me might be led to feel that they’re not normal. Interestingly, one of the most famous examples of my type of romance, or at least extolling against silly romance, is often misinterpreted: “Romeo & Juliet.” People will call an ideal male lover a “Romeo,” when in fact that was the opposite of what Shakespeare intended. Shakespeare liked to … Continue reading →

Do You and Your Spouse Sleep in Separate Beds?

In the days of black and white television, it was scandalous to show a man and woman in the same bed. I remember seeing episodes of I Love Lucy and wondered why Lucy and Ricky had twin beds—the world just wasn’t ready for anything more suggestive. Today when we hear of a man and woman sleeping in two separate beds, our thoughts immediately leap to the conclusion that they are having anger and/or sexual problems. But is that the only reason for sleeping separately? Some people are driven to the couch or to the guest bedroom by their spouse’s snoring … Continue reading →

My Unconventional Valentine’s History

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, but as you might be able to guess, Jon and I don’t really do anything for Valentine’s Day. The holiday does mean one thing: candy hearts. The weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day are the only time of the year I can find them. Their close companion Necco Wafers just aren’t the same. So I suppose one might say Jon gets me a Valentine’s Day present, because he usually buys me candy hearts. However, even this practice has two exceptions that probably exclude it as a Valentine’s celebration. First: Jon usually brings home … Continue reading →

How I Love

A geeky way Finally after three articles where I dance around the subject, I’m going to explain my version of romance and how it functions in my marriage. I dithered on expounding for a while because I wasn’t sure how to articulate it, which given my usual propensity for words is telling. I’m not even sure when my view on romance began to shift. When I first started dating Jonathan, I had what would be considered a more traditional view on how to approach love. As I matured it changed, influenced I’m sure in no small part by my husband’s … Continue reading →

Not My Idea of Romance

Not so much for me In my first two marriage posts I mentioned not really adhering to or enjoying “lovey-dovey” relationships. I realized if I’m going to keep using that as a contrast to what my marriage is like, I ought to define how I’m using the term. The simplest way, because otherwise the English major in me will extrapolate the phrase to death, is to do so with a story. My husband and I don’t give each other anniversary gifts, but that wasn’t always the case. When we were younger we did such things because we thought we should … Continue reading →

Making the Most Out of What You’ve Got

I was in a car accident on December 2nd, and I’m probably going to be under my doctor’s care for quite a while. Yesterday we started physical therapy. I’m grateful to be getting the care I need, but it’s taking so much time away from my family, and in particular, my husband. I see my kids during the day because we homeschool, but my husband is at work all day, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m even still married. I think I am, but sometimes, it is a question. He comes home and I’m gone, and then when I … Continue reading →

Marriage with Benefits

I can’t recall the context in which I heard it but not too long ago the phrase “friends with benefits” was mentioned. I had to stop and think about that for a moment. What I do know about this terminology is it means to have sexual relations without any ties. But I decided to look it up in the urban dictionary for more information. Specifically, it means to not only have a sexual relationship but to have it without being emotionally involved. I suppose this can happen but I find it difficult to believe. Deep down inside there must be … Continue reading →

An Anniversary Gift Like No Other

I was sitting here looking through our memory box and came across a tradition that my husband and I started on our first anniversary. For the last 12 years on our anniversary we give each other a poem that we wrote. Now it sounds corny and trust me we will never be professional poets we are lucky if they rhyme one or two lines. I was flipping through our book of poems and reading them you can tell what was going on in our lives around that time. When we were having medical issues you could tell in that years … Continue reading →