Bad Habits to Break

We all have habits; some are good and some not so much. Many of these habits are ones we’ve developed in our marriage, which means that some need to be broken and others need to be developed. Let’s consider some bad habits that can creep up in a marriage. The first is criticizing. Isn’t it funny how the things you once found endearing have suddenly become an annoyance? Or ever notice how after being married for an extended length of time, you only notice the negative qualities in your spouse? Both of these can cause a critical spirit to rise … Continue reading →

Finding Support from Your Friends

We’ve talked extensively about how important it is that we keep friends outside of our marriage. And that doesn’t mean that we have friends who can’t also be friends with our spouses. It just means that we look for emotional connections with more people than just our spouses. I know it’s very true for me; my two best friends give me things my husband never could, and not just things like watching the six-hour BBC “Pride and Prejudice.” It’s a real romantic notion – both in the love and in the story sense of the word – that our spouses … Continue reading →

Divorce: A Bad Word

I will never forget when my children were younger and a neighbor child rang my doorbell to inform me that my son (who was about 7 years old at the time) had said a “bad” word. “Really?” I responded. “What did he say?” You could tell this kid was proud of himself, sure that after he told me, my son would be getting into some really big trouble. Loudly he declared, “He said,” but then he barely whispered, “hell.” I had to bend over to hear the word. Well as it turned out my son was apparently relaying a message … Continue reading →

Lucky in Love? No Such Thing

Is there such a thing as to be lucky in love? When it comes to marriage, there really is no such thing as luck. If you know a couple (or perhaps you are that couple) where it seems like they have it all together…trust me, it is not luck. It is hard work. A good marriage isn’t built in luck, on chance. It takes three key ingredients: dedication, selflessness and commitment. Let me be the first to tell you that none of these are easy to do. Dedication and commitment might sound the same but they really are different. Dedication … Continue reading →

Charged with a Life Sentence

Ever have one of those moments where the light bulb in your head suddenly comes on? You are given a revelation and you aren’t really sure if it was divine providence or just pure luck. That happened to me last week when I was watching Dr. Phil. I’m not exactly a junkie but I try to keep up on the shows that depict teen issues. This time, however, I happened to be watching a show about marriage. I can’t even recall what the specific issue was. But Dr. Phil said something to the wife that really struck a chord. He … Continue reading →

Building a Marriage on Dependency and Independence

I was recently reading an article that stated the key to a happy marriage was living separate lives. That this is how you feel validated as an individual. What’s interesting about this is that in order to feel validated, you need to feel important and acknowledged. That generally doesn’t come from within. Sure, it should be a part of feeling validated as a person. But since we are humans, we crave receiving this from others. Isn’t that where a spouse comes in? Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that you need to be so dependent on your mate … Continue reading →

Commonsense Ways to a Happier Marriage

You will often hear about “secrets” to a happy marriage. Personally, I don’t believe there is anything secret about having a happy marriage. Most of what it takes is well known. In other words, we know what to do to have a happier marriage. The key is choosing to do those things. So instead, let’s look at some old-fashioned commonsense ways to keep the marriage happy. We start with the understanding that your spouse will never be perfect. Now most of us probably don’t really think that our spouse should be perfect. Yet we place expectations that are oftentimes unrealistic. … Continue reading →

Marriage Is a Gem

If you could describe the whole of marriage, how would you do that? I think I would describe it as a gem, one that is meant to be polished and taken care of. But I would also describe it as having imperfections. Nothing in this world is really perfect, is it? You look close enough; you can usually find a flaw. The same is true in marriage. Yet when you take a step back, looking past the imperfections and flaws, you see nothing but a beautiful treasure. Women oftentimes will hold their hand at a distance, as they admire the … Continue reading →

Stay-at-Home Moms More Likely to Divorce?

I heard something interesting on the John Tesh radio show the other day. He said that a study found there was a higher chance of divorce when moms stay home with the kids and dads work. He actually said it was fact. Now, I was not able to verify the findings of this. I didn’t spend a whole lot of time researching but the little bit I did…well, I didn’t find this study he was apparently referring to. I have quite a bit of apprehension about this. Maybe I’m just partial since I was a stay-at-home mom. But one of … Continue reading →

Considering Your Spouse’s Point of View

The difference between knowing and really knowing, or feeling, something is amazing. I’m the first person to tell others that a key to any relationship, but especially a marriage, is trying to think from the other person’s point of view. It’s absolutely essential in a marriage, because we are spending the rest of our lives living with this person. The more we try to understand how our spouse thinks, the better off we’ll be. I know this, and yet it’s so hard for me to act on it. For example: once in a while my husband has to work the … Continue reading →