Recently a study came out that revealed men are more likely to marry women who look like their mother. In contrast, women were less likely to marry men who look like their fathers. It was suggested that this may be true about men because they are visually oriented. And for women, they are more about fatherly qualities. Now some believe these findings are creepy. I personally don’t put much weight into this study. Maybe it’s because I am looking at it from my own perspective. My father is Caucasian, of German descent. My husband is half Mexican and half Polish. … Continue reading →

I can handle small disagreements. We can usually move past them and get on with life. But it’s when we disagree about bigger issues that it can become problematic. Especially when neither one of us is willing to budge. Through the course of our married life, we have learned something about disagreements. They should end up going one of three directions. The first is that we agree to disagree and either table the disagreement for another time or let it go altogether. It depends on how significant the issue is. For instance, I wanted to move for a long time. … Continue reading →

Although infidelity is probably one of the biggest reasons for couples to divorce, I did a little research on some of the other causes. One thing I found (and was a little surprised about) is that arguing is another big reason for ending a marriage. So why am I surprised? Maybe it’s my own deluded thinking, but doesn’t every couple argue? Okay…I know, I know. Arguing once-in-a-while and every single day is very different. I will give you that. But arguing in itself doesn’t seem to be a good reason to divorce. The act of disagreeing, fighting or whatever else … Continue reading →

When I first started dating my husband, over 20 years ago, I remember the anticipation I would feel. It didn’t matter what we did, as long as we were together. I remember times when we would talk and talk. And then other times when I would be in his arms and we enjoyed the silence. Then pretty soon the kids came along. We tried to make time for each other and go out on dates. But it got tougher with each addition. There was a period of time in which I don’t think we dated at all. But it started … Continue reading →

When my husband and I disagree on something, I don’t like to use the phrase, “We got into a fight.” That makes it sound like one of those knock-down, drag-out arguments that can quickly spiral out-of-control. Thankfully those days are long behind us. We are too mature—okay, maybe it’s really that we are too tired—as middle-aged adults to engage in that type of warfare. And I can’t even really call our disagreements “arguing” because that sounds like two people going at it verbally. We don’t even do that anymore. – Now we have what I call “discussions.” Oh sure, sometimes … Continue reading →

There is a verse in the Bible that says a man and woman will leave their father and mother and the two shall become one. The idea isn’t that you are no longer two separate beings (because you are), but that your lives are now so intertwined with each other that you blend together. The hope is that as you go through marriage, you will make decisions as one. You will love as one. You will stand as one. I don’t know about you. But I don’t always feel like I am “one” with my husband. While there are many … Continue reading →

Here in the Midwest we are experiencing some of the most beautiful, brilliant colors on the trees. Never have the reds and oranges seemed so deep. You don’t even have to take a ride in the country to experience the wonder. It is in virtually every neighborhood. It got me thinking about the changing seasons and how different each one is. It wasn’t that long ago we had our central air on because it was blazing hot outside. And before you know it, snow will be blanketing the ground. Marriages go through seasonal changes as well. Most seem to start … Continue reading →

If you want to financially protect yourself after getting married, you may decide that a prenuptial agreement is the way to go. I’m not here to say one way or another whether this is something you should or shouldn’t do. Each couple has to make this decision based on their unique circumstances. But I do have a bit of a problem with non-financial prenups. These are the ones based on surface issues, ones that really don’t have a place in a committed marriage. I recently heard a story about a man who wanted his future wife to sign a prenuptial … Continue reading →

It can be difficult to find the “right” time to talk about an issue. No one wants to start off their day having a serious discussion. Most of us don’t want to get into a heavy topic right when we walk in the door after work. And we might not be interested in conversing later on in the evening, when we finally get a chance to relax. So when does a couple find the time to talk? I think one of those is dinner time. Of course, if you have children and you need to discuss a marital issue, that … Continue reading →

How strong is your marriage? You might be quick to say that it’s as strong as it has ever been. However, it sometimes takes stress in a marriage to reveal if there are any cracks in the foundation. When things are going along smoothly, of course it feels strong. But what happens when the heat is on? Throughout my 21 years of marriage, I can say that it’s taken stress to reveal some of our cracks. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because if you don’t know they exist, the foundation could begin to crumble without you even realizing … Continue reading →