Men and Women Are from Earth

A study came out recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology: “Men and Women Are from Earth: Examining the Latent Structure of Gender.” The central hypothesis of the paper is that men and women actually aren’t all that different. Many of the differences that we might demonstrate have more to do societal expectations than inherent biology. This isn’t the first study on the subject. I recently read the book “Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference,” by neuroscience psychologist Cordelia Fine. In it she exposes noticeable trends in male vs. female psychology, both in … Continue reading →

Bonding With the In-Laws: The Youngest Sibling

One of the weirdest things about marrying into a large family was that I’ve been around for almost the entire life of my littlest brother-in-law. When Jon and I first started dating, and I met the family for the first time, his youngest brother was only a bit over a year old. While he knows most of Jon’s other siblings very well, because they all lived at home with him for years (and some still do), Jon wasn’t around much when he was growing up. So Jon, his own brother, isn’t really that much more of a presence in his … Continue reading →

Learning Marriage from Your Parents

I was raised with somewhat progressive views on marriage. It feels strange to even be typing that, and it’s certainly nothing I ever thought growing up. I know that on the overall spectrum of views on marriage, the ideals with which I was raised would only be in the middle, and probably closer to the conservative side of the middle. But it’s still so surprising to me how many people aren’t even that far. I’ve already shared my story about my college roommate. The reason she and her boyfriend didn’t talk for years about division of labor in the household, … Continue reading →

The Effects of the Media on Romance

Where do our irrational romantic impulses come from? Are they just something we naturally want; after all, everyone likes to be spoiled. But often we equate all romance with grand gestures, or expect our relationships to play out like fairy tales. We have the media to blame for that. I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, and it must seem like I think we shouldn’t watch movies or television. I don’t believe that at all, but I can testify that too many romcoms, or at least, not approaching them in the right way, can have a negative effect. … Continue reading →

The Harmful “Him” vs. “Her”

I know that men and women think differently. My first impulse is to examine how much of that is natural and how much is a result of cultural conditioning, but that’s a study for another time, and really another blog. What I want to focus on today is the sort of “us” vs. “them” mentality that arises sometimes, and how that might affect marriages. I had to read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” for a high school health class. I found it abhorrent, and said as much in my paper on the book. I understand as much … Continue reading →

Wedding Rings and Gender Roles, Pt. 2

Last time I examined the discussion over whether or not men should have to wear wedding rings. Just about all of the arguments either for or against skipped one relevant consideration: whether or not women should have to or even enjoy wearing them. Only one article I found briefly acknowledged the idea: the author said that neither of her parents has worn a wedding ring for decades, for a variety of reasons. That’s all we’ve got: in the wedding rings debate we have in-depth considerations of male class traditions, shifting perspectives of masculinity, and a man’s role in a marriage, … Continue reading →

Wedding Rings and Gender Roles, Pt. 1

The practice of wearing wedding rings has roots in ancient Egypt. The Egyptians might have believed that circles represent eternity, fitting for a marriage vow. Wearing the rings on our left hand dates to the Roman era: Romans apparently believed that the fourth finger on our left hands had a vein that went directly to the heart. While women have worn wedding (and engagement) rings for centuries, the practice of men donning the former only dates to the 20th century. Some sources speculate that it had to do with World War II: men started wearing the rings while deployed, as … Continue reading →

The Side of the Mistress

Earlier this week I watched a frustrating segment on “The View.” The ladies were interviewing Rielle Hunter, mistress of former presidential candidate John Edwards. Rielle is known for stealing the charming Mr. Edwards from his wife, Elizabeth, during the time she was battling cancer. She ended up getting pregnant and the whole controversy ended his political career. So now, as always happens, she has come out with a new book in which she tells “her side.” I love it…the side of the mistress, as if we really need some type of justification. While I have no intention on reading the … Continue reading →

Ditching the Husband to Hang with the In-Laws

The in-laws can be a dreaded part of the marriage experience, for some more so than others, and especially for the wife facing her husband’s family. I’ve had a little tension with Jonathan’s relatives, but overall my experience with them has been overwhelmingly positive. In fact, I don’t always need Jonathan around as a “buffer” or even just as an excuse, to spend time with his relatives. Jon’s part of a big family so there are a number of people with whom for me to interact. I first really hit it off with his older sister. We’re very similar in … Continue reading →

Passion’s Place in A Marriage

Maybe I should stop expecting television to accurately portray life or romance, but I can’t help it. Media has a subtle yet powerful influence on our thinking, especially on younger folks, that just makes me want to address the issues it raises. Fox’s trendy new sitcom “New Girl,” starring Zooey Deschanel, just wrapped up its freshman season. In the last few episodes Deschanel’s character Jess breaks up with her boyfriend after having dinner with him and his ex-wife (something that was a bad idea in the first place). At the dinner she observed the formerly-married couple at each other’s throats, … Continue reading →