Bonding With the In-Laws: The Youngest Sibling

One of the weirdest things about marrying into a large family was that I’ve been around for almost the entire life of my littlest brother-in-law. When Jon and I first started dating, and I met the family for the first time, his youngest brother was only a bit over a year old. While he knows most of Jon’s other siblings very well, because they all lived at home with him for years (and some still do), Jon wasn’t around much when he was growing up. So Jon, his own brother, isn’t really that much more of a presence in his … Continue reading →

Learning Marriage from Your Parents

I was raised with somewhat progressive views on marriage. It feels strange to even be typing that, and it’s certainly nothing I ever thought growing up. I know that on the overall spectrum of views on marriage, the ideals with which I was raised would only be in the middle, and probably closer to the conservative side of the middle. But it’s still so surprising to me how many people aren’t even that far. I’ve already shared my story about my college roommate. The reason she and her boyfriend didn’t talk for years about division of labor in the household, … Continue reading →

Ditching the Husband to Hang with the In-Laws

The in-laws can be a dreaded part of the marriage experience, for some more so than others, and especially for the wife facing her husband’s family. I’ve had a little tension with Jonathan’s relatives, but overall my experience with them has been overwhelmingly positive. In fact, I don’t always need Jonathan around as a “buffer” or even just as an excuse, to spend time with his relatives. Jon’s part of a big family so there are a number of people with whom for me to interact. I first really hit it off with his older sister. We’re very similar in … Continue reading →

What Is Your Marriage Teaching Your Children?

An often overlooked area in a marriage is the influence it has upon the children. Have you ever really thought about the message you are sending your children concerning marriage? Marriage isn’t just about two people if you have children. Your marriage is a huge factor in decisions they will make in the future, including what to look for in a mate. How you treat your spouse speaks volumes to our children. If boys see their father as an overbearing, cruel husband…what do you think is going to happen when that little boy grows up? If girls see their mothers … Continue reading →

Holidays, Travel, and Family Expectations

Holidays can be tricky for anyone, in any family situation. Married couples without kids, however, face a special conundrum: with whom to spend the day(s)? Again, this can be tough for anyone, but childless marrieds face a particular pressure: you don’t have kids, so it falls to you to drive sometimes long distances to attend the family get-together. Of course that returns us to the initial question: with whose family do we spend the holidays? We pick one side of the family for Thanksgiving and the other for Easter, because Jon’s parents and my parents live far enough away from … Continue reading →

How Much More?

I believe I mentioned how when my oldest son broke his hand last October that no one in my husband’s family called to talk to him. We talked to the extended family and told them how upset he was that no one from that side of the family called him to check on him. Not one time during the 8 weeks that he was in a cast did his grandparents, aunt or uncle on my husband’s side called him to check on him. They all said they did not think it was important to call and check on him and … Continue reading →

Hard Questions Are Coming

My husband and I have to make some hard decisions very soon. We are going to ask a few questions of our in laws. We already asked it of my sister in law and she refuses to answer. The question is straight and to the point. “Given the fact that we will not participate in a family Christmas get together again because of how the kids and us felt uncomfortable. Where do they see the relationship between our family and them?” It seems pretty straight forward I think but it will be a hard question. If they say that they … Continue reading →

Christmas in February

Well we made it through a few hours with my in laws and there was no blood or tears shed. When we got in the car and were driving home we asked the kids how they felt that the day went. The car was quiet. If you know our kids you would know that it is not very common for them all to be quiet at the same time. We knew what was going on that the kids did not want to say anything that may hurt my husband’s feelings. My husband was nice and spoke up telling the kids … Continue reading →

Finally an Invitation

The kid were excited that we were going to the in laws but they were a bit nervous too which we totally get. We were nervous too especially we know how hard conversations have been and sitting together may be even harder. We need to have a hard conversation with my mother and father in law and it is coming soon. We need to know if they plan on having a relationship with our family going forward. Being told that they are too busy to see their son and his family before February is ridiculous but this is where we … Continue reading →

Finally Got An Invitation

If you have been reading my marriage blog you know about my in law drama. There are a couple of new developments. In case you have not read my entries before let me give you a quick 411. We have a very strained relationship with my in laws and they tend to not really want to do anything with our family or our kids. Last Christmas season we tried to set a date with my mother and father in law to do a gift exchange and just spend some time with them. My mother in law said that she had … Continue reading →