Category Archives: Marriage

Read tips on how to keep your love alive and healthy while living in the real world.

Having Each Other’s Back

Today I want to talk about kind of a dumb thing I got into the habit of doing, but that I realized one day could be hurtful. Sometimes I have a tendency to make too much fun of Jon in front of others. I’ve talked to him about it and he doesn’t seem to mind, but nonetheless I want to work on it. The habit was born out of our shared college experience. The group of friends we were in playfully messed with each other all of the time, especially the boys. I kind of had to thicken my skin … Continue reading →

Reconnect through Dating

When I first started dating my husband, over 20 years ago, I remember the anticipation I would feel. It didn’t matter what we did, as long as we were together. I remember times when we would talk and talk. And then other times when I would be in his arms and we enjoyed the silence. Then pretty soon the kids came along. We tried to make time for each other and go out on dates. But it got tougher with each addition. There was a period of time in which I don’t think we dated at all. But it started … Continue reading →

Laid-Back Anniversaries

It’s our fourth anniversary today. I know that’s not really a milestone (insofar as any year’s anniversary is one); that’ll come next year, with our fifth. But I don’t see us doing anything bigger next year than we’ll do this year. Like with everything else, Jon and I don’t make that big of a deal of our anniversary. We don’t even get each other gifts. That’s something we stopped doing before we were even married. The first year or two we were dating we got each other anniversary presents, but that ceased by the time we graduated from college. I … Continue reading →

Fair Fighting

When my husband and I disagree on something, I don’t like to use the phrase, “We got into a fight.” That makes it sound like one of those knock-down, drag-out arguments that can quickly spiral out-of-control. Thankfully those days are long behind us. We are too mature—okay, maybe it’s really that we are too tired—as middle-aged adults to engage in that type of warfare. And I can’t even really call our disagreements “arguing” because that sounds like two people going at it verbally. We don’t even do that anymore. – Now we have what I call “discussions.” Oh sure, sometimes … Continue reading →

And the Two Shall Become One

There is a verse in the Bible that says a man and woman will leave their father and mother and the two shall become one. The idea isn’t that you are no longer two separate beings (because you are), but that your lives are now so intertwined with each other that you blend together. The hope is that as you go through marriage, you will make decisions as one. You will love as one. You will stand as one. I don’t know about you. But I don’t always feel like I am “one” with my husband. While there are many … Continue reading →

Not Always Joined at the Hip

Jon and I started dating in college, and we were far from the only ones in our social circles to do so. Some of the others would make fun of us, giving us couples’ names, like the media does for dating celebrities (our name was Jangela). It never really bothered me, except for one potential interpretation: was there some truth in the fact that I didn’t do much without Jon? Looking back, I think that I had enough friends and enough things going on in my college life that were separate from my boyfriend. But I could see how it … Continue reading →

Seasons of Marriage

Here in the Midwest we are experiencing some of the most beautiful, brilliant colors on the trees. Never have the reds and oranges seemed so deep. You don’t even have to take a ride in the country to experience the wonder. It is in virtually every neighborhood. It got me thinking about the changing seasons and how different each one is. It wasn’t that long ago we had our central air on because it was blazing hot outside. And before you know it, snow will be blanketing the ground. Marriages go through seasonal changes as well. Most seem to start … Continue reading →

The Effects of the Media on Romance

Where do our irrational romantic impulses come from? Are they just something we naturally want; after all, everyone likes to be spoiled. But often we equate all romance with grand gestures, or expect our relationships to play out like fairy tales. We have the media to blame for that. I know I sound like a broken record sometimes, and it must seem like I think we shouldn’t watch movies or television. I don’t believe that at all, but I can testify that too many romcoms, or at least, not approaching them in the right way, can have a negative effect. … Continue reading →

Lifestyle Prenup Agreements

If you want to financially protect yourself after getting married, you may decide that a prenuptial agreement is the way to go. I’m not here to say one way or another whether this is something you should or shouldn’t do. Each couple has to make this decision based on their unique circumstances. But I do have a bit of a problem with non-financial prenups. These are the ones based on surface issues, ones that really don’t have a place in a committed marriage. I recently heard a story about a man who wanted his future wife to sign a prenuptial … Continue reading →

Tossing the Bouquet and Garter

One wedding tradition I didn’t follow at my own reception was the tossing of the bouquet and garter. I didn’t like the idea that it symbolized women scrabbling to be the next to get married, or having Jon remove an article of my clothing in front of everyone. If we look at the origins of this particular wedding tradition, we can see how it evolved. Traditionally, brides carried a bouquet that contained strong-smelling herbs and spices. This was, in part, another way of warding off evil spirits, but it could also serve to sweeten the proceedings if any of the … Continue reading →