Category Archives: Marriage

Read tips on how to keep your love alive and healthy while living in the real world.

Is There Such a Thing as Too Nice?

Is there such a thing as being too nice? When we’re in a relationship with someone, particularly when we’re married, we learn the answer to that question: yes. It’s not necessarily that too much niceness is bad, but that what one person might interpret as nice isn’t so great for the other. A friend and I were talking about that today in relation to our husbands. She shared that one time, her husband managed to bring home a big chocolate cake on the first day she was starting a new diet, something he knew about. Another time he kept filling … Continue reading →

Dinner Time Talk

It can be difficult to find the “right” time to talk about an issue. No one wants to start off their day having a serious discussion. Most of us don’t want to get into a heavy topic right when we walk in the door after work. And we might not be interested in conversing later on in the evening, when we finally get a chance to relax. So when does a couple find the time to talk? I think one of those is dinner time. Of course, if you have children and you need to discuss a marital issue, that … Continue reading →

The Harmful “Him” vs. “Her”

I know that men and women think differently. My first impulse is to examine how much of that is natural and how much is a result of cultural conditioning, but that’s a study for another time, and really another blog. What I want to focus on today is the sort of “us” vs. “them” mentality that arises sometimes, and how that might affect marriages. I had to read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” for a high school health class. I found it abhorrent, and said as much in my paper on the book. I understand as much … Continue reading →

Stress Reveals Cracks in the Foundation

How strong is your marriage? You might be quick to say that it’s as strong as it has ever been. However, it sometimes takes stress in a marriage to reveal if there are any cracks in the foundation. When things are going along smoothly, of course it feels strong. But what happens when the heat is on? Throughout my 21 years of marriage, I can say that it’s taken stress to reveal some of our cracks. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because if you don’t know they exist, the foundation could begin to crumble without you even realizing … Continue reading →

Making Birthdays Special – Or Not

Marriage, like most of life, is all about seeing things from someone else’s point of view. I’ve had to learn that Jonathan copes with things, especially arguments and emotions, much more slowly than I do. That’s not what I wanted to discuss today. What I wanted to discuss is how marriage can sometimes force you to see the world in an entirely new way. Sounds like I’m talking about something life changing, right? Not really, though it’s certainly hard for me to process. I’m talking about presents. Jon’s birthday is today, and for months I had no idea what to … Continue reading →

Do You Have Any Deal Breakers?

Do you have any deal breakers in your marriage? These are things you absolutely will not tolerate. Now I have always been the type of person who believes that virtually any marriage can be saved. I try to use the experiences in my own marriage to encourage others. After 21 years of marriage, we have gone through some pretty difficult and trying times. Yet we have managed to make it through. A family member, who has had a rocky marriage for years, is one that I have tried to be a good example to. I have encouraged her to see … Continue reading →

Living with Engineers: Tales of Efficiency

There are a lot of engineers out there in the world, and so there are a number of us married to them. Based on conversations I’ve had with other spouses of engineers, I’ve learned it’s not just me: it can be a unique, strange, and funny experience living with an engineer. The first thing you need to learn if you’re the husband or wife of an engineer is that your spouse will always think that their way of doing something, is the best way of doing it. The magic word is “efficient.” Learn it well, because you’ll be hearing it … Continue reading →

Sleeping in Separate Beds: You’re Not Alone

Our culture believes that couples who sleep in separate beds are either experiencing or inviting problems in their marriage. Because I’m a light sleeper, I’m a firm believer that couples should be free to sleep separately if necessary. Jon and I almost always sleep together, but if one of us is restless we move to another bed, to keep that person from being woken up. I know that sleeping in the same bed improves intimacy. Once kids are part of the equation alone time between couples is scarce, and time in bed together, even if it’s just the process of … Continue reading →

A Recovering Nag

There is a Bible verse that says a nagging wife is like a constant dripping. Doesn’t the thought of listening to a faucet dripping rattle your insides? So imagine how it feels to a spouse. After a while you start to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher. Her voice was like someone speaking into a megaphone, all muffled. Now here is the downside to nagging. If you don’t nag, sometimes things just won’t get done. I know…because I have been waiting for some things in this house to get done for six years. I’m not kidding. It has actually become a … Continue reading →

Women Guilty of Tuning Out

It’s a common complaint with women…he never listens. Communication tends to be a huge problem in many marriages but most of the blame gets put on the husband. I bet you can picture a scene in your mind. He is sitting on the couch, watching the game and his wife mentions how so-and-so is really fed up with so-and-so, that they might even separate. “That’s nice dear.” What? Did he not just hear what was said? They might get divorced! Clearly, he wasn’t listening. And so she spouts off about how he never listens and it escalates into an argument. … Continue reading →