How do you picture yourself when you are old? A shriveled up old character, shuffling along slowly and ignored by passers-by? Or a wise, active, well respected person who commands the respect of both your peers and your juniors? Which would you rather be? I recently read an article about 20 year olds using Botox. Fortunately some plastic surgeons refuse to use Botox and assorted dermal fillers on women in their 20s. But that does not stop the phenomenon happening. Apparently it’s all about “prevention”, but what is it that these women are really trying to prevent? It’s not about … Continue reading →

Ever noticed that the amount of time and money that is spent on a child’s 18th birthday party is starting to look like the amount parents might have spent on their children’s wedding in the not too distant past? Ever noticed that school graduations are going the same way? Worse, elementary school graduation ceremonies have turned from a simple right-of-passage to a pre-adolescent fanfare that is starting to mimic the end of high school graduation parties. And it gets even more serious. For some time, parties for pre-schoolers have turned into social events of the year and parents are spending … Continue reading →

Having emotional troubles and experiencing breakdowns are traumatic events. And sometimes the trauma and breakdown does not go away but the client must learn to manage their illness, such as in the case of schizophrenia and bipolar, just to name two conditions. But trauma is not all bad, and many people who have experienced emotional difficulties are enriched by them, despite the enormous pain that accompanies the illness. This is not to minimize the stigma and despondency and outright soul-wrenching pain that accompanies mental problems, but reminds us that with little adversity or challenge in our lives, we can become … Continue reading →

A Frankenkinder is the 21st century version of a spoilt child – a monster created by the emotional neglect of its own parents. Yet these kids look far from neglected. They are dressed in designer clothes and have all the latest Playstation games and personal electronic gadgetry. They are wise beyond their years and yet are also extremely immature. So how did we end up with a generation of these kids? Looking through a recent catalogue in my mail box gave me some insight. There was bath oil on sale. No problem with that except there was also a special … Continue reading →

What exactly does it mean to “enable your adult child?” What the act of enabling does is to actively prevent your child from achieving appropriate developmental milestones as they age. Thus continually refusing to make your child/teenager/young adult take responsibility for their omissions and commissions of duty effectively leaves them as underperforming adults. In simpler words, if you do not make your 8-year old carry his or her plate to the kitchen after a meal and dispose of it according to age-appropriate behaviors, you are allowing that child to remain emotionally at that age, in that area of responsibility, longer … Continue reading →

In our last article in this series, we looked at how Marcus could have better solved his boundary problems he was experiencing with his overbearing father. But what of Jane? What could she have done in her situation with her mother? Remember that Jane spent months verbally telling her mother firmly that she did not want her baby to have a pacifier. Jane’s mother Noreen would not give up, to the point where she secretly went off and purchased a pacifier and waited till Jane was out of the room before placing it in her granddaughter’s mouth. As we read … Continue reading →

We have recently looked at how Marcus was forced by his father to do a dentistry degree that he wasn’t interested in and also how Jane fought a several month battle against her mother to not use a pacifier for her baby daughter. These are two widely varying but similar situations in which a person, in both cases, an overbearing, disrespectful adult, wanted to impose their will upon that of their adult child. You can read about these two cases by clicking on the links below. They are both typical examples of how one person does not “see” or respect … Continue reading →

We touched on this issue in a previous article on this subject (see link below) where we looked at how much damage a person with no respect for personal boundaries can inflict intense psychological damage on those around them. Today we will look at the case of Noreen. Noreen’s daughter Jane had just had a baby girl and Noreen had never respected Jane as a person but considered Jane a mere extension of herself. She made unreasonable demands of Jane and Jane, for the most part, complied. Noreen suffered from Narcissistic personality Disorder (see links below) but Jane did not … Continue reading →