The term “having good boundaries” is often used when describing psychological situations or relations between two or more individuals. A boundary is like your own personal fence, and if you have a good set of boundaries, you will largely control what you allow people to say and do to you. I say largely, because none of us have absolute control over how other people treat us. If we are in a job where we are treated badly by the boss and we need the money desperately, then we must learn to put up with the bad behavior to pay our … Continue reading →

Lyn has partnered up for the second time. Her first marriage was extremely happy – except that her husband drank until he finally became an alcoholic. Miserable, Lyn put up with the situation for years hoping he would change, but as in many cases, he didn’t. The marriage failed. Desperate for a new man, Lyn went on the singles scene in her early 40s. Unfortunately she met up with Anthony, a seeming kind and affable man just five years older than her. But he had already been married three times before and had children to two of these women. He … Continue reading →

Even a decade ago, there were few signs of reality TV shows dealing with out-of-control teenagers giving the finger plus a mouthful of verbal abuse to anyone who came near them, but in particular, their parents. Now they are popping up on our screens regularly, under a variety of names but all with the same goal – to tame these overgrown two-year olds. So, what is happening to our children to turn them into such unpleasant creatures? First we have to consider the ratings that these types of shows pull. Television executives are well aware of the increasing number of … Continue reading →

When I was a young undergraduate I didn’t give much thought to good parents versus bad. I had observed my own parents’ numerous shortcomings as a teenager but also had a sense that there were a lot of my friends’ parents that I wouldn’t have been keen on swapping my own parents for. Hence we slowly build up an idea of the quality of the parent/child relationship from our own experiences from our own interactions with parents, aunts, uncles, neighbors and the parents of our friends. But during my studies I came across a professor who had such a profound … Continue reading →

In our earlier blog this topic, (see link below), we looked at the case of Ellie and Dawn, two sisters in their late 80s where Dawn still suffers from a childhood sense of not being as good as her sister Ellie. This experience has tainted Dawn’s entire life. Her mother, through small but consistent actions during the girl’s childhood, gave Dawn impression that she was “not good enough”. Sibling rivalry is one phenomenon. It is normal and part of the developmental process. But overt parental favoritism is not normal and can damage a child well into adulthood to the point … Continue reading →