How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Death?

Well, what’s your guess? Six weeks, six months, a year? Six years? Or all of the above? Mental health experts agree that it takes a minimum of one year to come to grips with the death of a close family member. And that does not mean that at the end of a year one is really “over it.” What it does mean is that, after one year, all of the important milestones have been passed, that is, the first birthday, Christmas, wedding anniversary, Father’s Day or Mother’s Day. There has also been time for the routine of life to be … Continue reading →

Coping with Death

We all have to cope with death. As the saying goes: “No one gets out of this world alive!” We know it must inevitably happen yet we are often not educated or prepared for it when it does come. We cope with the death of loved ones largely by avoiding its certainty for as long as possible, and hope that when the time comes we will somehow muddle through it. There is probably nothing in life we prepare for less, and yet there’s nothing in life that is more inevitable. When you think about it, it’s a funny way to … Continue reading →

There is No Time Limit to Grieving

During the time that I was writing the series of articles on the Empty Nest Syndrome, I came across a comment on a pseudo-medical site which suggested some rather bizarre but also quite dangerous advice on how to deal with this phenomenon. As we discussed in previous articles on the empty nest syndrome, this situation arises when either the first child leaves home or more commonly, when the last child moves out of the family home. Although fathers can and do experience the symptoms of the empty nest syndrome, it is most common amongst mothers, who traditionally do most of … Continue reading →

The Empty Nest Syndrome (5)

Today we look at the story of Emma who, despite having four children and devoting part of her working life to caring for them full time, has successfully managed to avoid the distressing feelings that characterize the empty nest syndrome. Emma’s motivation for doing all she could to avoid the problems associated when her children left home were strong: Her mother had suffered terribly when Emma, the youngest of her birth family, had left home. She had felt enormous guilt and also enormous anger at her mother at the time and she did not want to suffer it herself when … Continue reading →

The Empty Nest Syndrome (4)

Today we look at ways to minimize the effects of the empty nest syndrome which is both real and painful. As mentioned in previous articles on this topic (see links below) the process of separation from your child and your child from you is both normal and healthy. It’s just that sometimes normality can be a little hard to bear. It is important to remember that separation has been happening since the day the umbilical cord was cut. It did not begin the day your son or daughter waves you goodbye on his or her way to college almost two … Continue reading →

The Empty Nest Syndrome (3)

Today we begin to look at ways to avoid or at least minimize the effects of the empty nest syndrome. As discussed in previous articles, the empty nest syndrome occurs when one or more adult children leave the family home and the parents, commonly the mother, experience bouts of intense grief in the period immediately following the departure. The best way to minimize the effects of the empty nest syndrome is to prepare yourself for it. This process ideally begins years prior to your child leaving home. Knowledge is power and knowing that the empty nest syndrome is real and … Continue reading →

The Empty Nest Syndrome (2)

In the previous article on the empty nest syndrome we looked at the grieving process that often accompanies the departure of an adult child from the family home. This phenomenon commonly occurs when the oldest child leaves, as that represents a break in the family circle. It is also common when the youngest or last child leaves home, as that signifies that the active role of parenting is effectively over. In households with only one child, the parent experiences the full force of the eldest, middle and youngest child leaving in one powerfully emotive hit. In the latter scenario, the … Continue reading →

The Empty Nest Syndrome (1)

“Help me. I miss my little girl!” This was the opening cry for help from the middle-aged female client who sat before me. “How old is your little girl?” I inquired. The woman dabbed her eyes and looked at me and looked away. “She’s 21.” This lady was in real distress. Her daughter had moved away to college and she was a SAHM of one, and her “one” had just flown the coup. She was profoundly sad. She had what is commonly known as the “empty nest syndrome.” Though not a registered psychological condition, the empty nest syndrome is very … Continue reading →

Marriages without Sex (3)

Today we conclude the story of Sue, the wife who only had sex with her husband on two occasions throughout the course of their marriage. This was specifically in order to have her two children and the times and dates of intercourse were meticulously planned in order to maximize her chances of conception. You can read the full story of Sue and her husband James by clicking on the links below. After the birth of his second son, via Sue’s clandestine means, James found out that his wife’s reluctance to have sex was grounded in her childhood. Her father had … Continue reading →

Marriages without Sex (2)

In our first article on this topic, we looked at the marriage between Sue and James, who had only had intercourse on one occasion two years after the wedding in order to satisfy Sue’s longing for a child. You can read about the courtship and immediate post-wedding experiences of Sue and James in Marriage without Sex (1). So, two years into an unconsummated marriage, Sue allowed James to have sex with her over a period of three nights and the result was a beautiful baby boy. The marriage then resumed its sex-free criteria because Sue was “too busy getting over … Continue reading →