The Relative Effects of Family Members with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In addition to looking at what is narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and the diagnostic criteria required for a diagnosis of the condition (see links below), today we are going to look at the damage caused by different family members who suffer from the disorder and the relative effects on the rest of the family. The most devastating situation exists when the mother suffers from NPD. This makes sense because, despite changes in our society over recent decades, it is still the mother who is, and is expected to be, the primary source of love, caring and attention. This situation in … Continue reading →

Why Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder So Little Known? (2)

In our last article, we looked at how a lack of knowledge about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) keeps the children and the adult children of the narcissist in the dark as to the true nature of what is going on in the households in which they grew up. Clients often ask me why this condition is not well known and why it took them so long to discover that they were dealing with a particularly intractable problem with their parents. The answer is twofold: Mental illness of any sort is still largely a topic of taboo despite numerous campaigns to … Continue reading →

Why Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder So Little Known? (1)

This is a question that clients often ask me. Having suffered for decades under the regime of a narcissistic parent, they discover, sometimes almost halfway through their lifetime, that their parent has had narcissist personality disorder (NPD) all along. With the realization that the parent has NPD comes relief, shock, rage and sorrow. It is never easy to learn that one’s mother or father has the condition. This is especially true when the parent is the mother, as the mother is characteristically seen as the principal source of love and nurturance. Of course, there is no true love and nurturance … Continue reading →

When a Therapist Fails to Diagnose Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the Extended Family

It is not uncommon for many of my clients to have previously entered therapy for a range of conditions including depression and anxiety-related disorders and to be treated as what is known as the “Identified Patient” by their therapist and labeled with these disorders. While they may be suffering from anxiety, depression and a range of other related emotional afflictions, these disorders are secondary to the principal problem in the person’s life. And that is the presence of a narcissistic parent. Having a parent, particularly a mother, who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a particularly heavy burden for … Continue reading →

Denying the Father’s Role when Mother is a Narcissist

One of the more painful aspects of detaching from a narcissist mother is acknowledging the role that the father plays in the family dynamic. I have had many clients who, once they have identified their mothers as suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), have to then look at the unpleasant truth of the role their father played in maintaining the status quo. Often my clients proclaim that their father was “wonderful”, “warm and “loving” and he may well have been all these things. But the truth is, he allowed his wife to systematically erode the budding egos and personalities of … Continue reading →

Narcissistic Parents and Rape

If there is ever a time when a female needs the support of her parents, in particular her mother, it is when she has been raped or in some way sexually abused. Parents react in a variety of ways to this trauma, but for the adult child of a narcissist, the pain caused by the narcissistic parent can often be worse than the trauma of the rape itself. Let’s look at the case of Jenny. Jenny was raped by a family friend at the age of 24 but did not tell either of her parents immediately. She knew from past … Continue reading →

Why Did You Have a Baby?

Women have babies for lots of different reasons. Some women have wanted babies since they were quite young children themselves. Others have no interest at all in having children, but as time progresses they decide that they do want a child of their own. Some people deliberately choose to have a child and plan the birth accordingly. Others find themselves pregnant through a mistake or have a baby at a time that they haven’t quite planned. Some babies are wanted and others aren’t. I recently encountered a 39-year-old woman who told me the she was desperate to have a child. … Continue reading →

Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism?

This is a question I am often asked by clients who are dealing with a narcissist in their lives. The answer is: it depends. Should You Confront a Narcissist about their Narcissism? As a psychologist, I cannot tell a client what to do, they have to come to a decision about what to do about problems in their lives on their own and be comfortable with those decisions. But what I can do is point out the pros and cons of telling a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and what effects that revelation can have on the client. … Continue reading →

When Your Child’s Grandparent is a Narcissist

We have looked at many articles concerning what it is like to be the child of a narcissistic parent (see below). But what happens when you, the child of a narcissist, go on to have children of your own? How does having children influence your relationship with your narcissistic parent? Having children of your own is probably the biggest wake-up call you will ever have in your life. This applies to members of most dysfunctional families, but children of a narcissistic parent are particularly susceptible to feelings of doubt and insecurity about their own skills as a parent. Not having … Continue reading →

How a Narcissist Thinks

People who live, work or interact socially with a person who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder are often at a loss as to the way in which the latter’s mind works. They are more than selfish, they appear to have little or no social conscience, yet on the other hand can exude a sense of charm that other, more normal people, could never compete with. So just what makes these people tick? People suffering from personality disorders in general have not gone through the same maturation processes that more well-balanced people normally do throughout the course of their childhood and … Continue reading →