Sexual Assault: The Perpetrator, the Victim and the Representative of Justice

In all cases of sexual assault, there is the perpetrator and the victim. In some cases, there is an introduction of a third party: the representative of justice. The latter only comes into the picture when the victim reports the crime, which according to available statistics, is in the minority. This means that most crimes of a sexual nature go unreported. This situation clearly is not good, but it gets worse. Often there is an expectation by the victim that, if they report the crime, justice will be done. This belief, while reasonable, is sadly not what the justice system … Continue reading →

When Outing Your Father for Child Rape Breaks Up Your Family

Sadly fathers do rape their own children and sometimes they even rape their infant children. They can even rape several daughters over a period of years. Although this is a crime involving a prison sentence, many perpetrators go undisclosed. There are many reasons for this, the predominant one being fear. Children notoriously keep quite about sexual abuse because, depending on their age at the time of abuse, they may not even be aware that what is happening to them is abuse. Many adult women who were sexually abused by their fathers do go on to report that abuse to the … Continue reading →

Sexual Assault: Denying Your Anger at the Perpetrator

One would expect that when a person has been sexually assaulted, the victim of the crime would be extremely angry at the perpetrator. But the act of sexual assault has such a profound effect on a person that what one might expect should happen, doesn’t necessarily happen that way at all. Take the case of Madi. Madi had been sexually assaulted by her boss of seven years. She didn’t report the incident and continued to work with him. However, within weeks of the assault she developed severe anxiety and panic attacks. It was these out-of-control feelings that drove her into … Continue reading →

Anger and Sexual Abuse (4)

In Anger and Sexual Abuse (3), we looked at how 35-year-old Jenna had been sexually abused by her stepfather as a child and was now taking out her rage at this injustice on the world at large. She had just lost her job as a lawyer and had come for counseling. Jenna had never told her mother of the abuse as she was too frightened to do so as a child and now as an adult, she didn’t see the point in raking up old wounds. Yet Jenna was in enormous pain. She couldn’t maintain long-term relationships due to her … Continue reading →

Anger and Sexual Abuse (3)

So far in this series on the anger associated with sexual abuse, we have covered the areas of guilt and internalized anger. Today we will examine the phenomena of “anger at the world”, a behavioral trait that is often exhibited by victims of sexual abuse. Jenna had been sexually abused by her stepfather from the ages of 8 to twelve. Her own natural father had died when she was 3, and her mother relied on her stepfather for a decent standard of living. Now 35, Jenna was consumed with rage at anything and everything. She had never told her mother … Continue reading →

Anger and Sexual Abuse (2)

In Anger and Sexual Abuse (1) we looked at the role of guilt and anger in keeping victims of sexual abuse caught in a twilight world of unrelenting personal pain and anguish. Today we will focus more on the anger itself. The anger may have two origins: the anger directed at the self as a result of sexual assault and the anger directed outwards. The anger directed at the self is particularly destructive. Shawna was a very strong person, but she did not view herself that way. Her particular incident of sexual assault involved being held prisoner and she feared … Continue reading →

Anger and Sexual Abuse (1)

In The Guilt of Sexual Abuse we looked at the issue of guilt and how it is such a common phenomena as to be almost expected after an incident of sexual assault. Today we will look at the anger associated with this insidious crime. Anger and guilt are the flip sides of the coin of sexual abuse. They are the daily currency for many victims of sexual crimes. But while guilt often appears soon after the abusive incident, anger can take much longer to come to the surface. Guilt, that is, taking responsibility for the abuse upon yourself rather than … Continue reading →

Sexual Assault Victims Protecting Others

I read in the weekend paper about a 45-year-old woman who had been repeatedly molested by a minister when she was a small girl. As an adult she reported the matter to the relevant church. It was covered up. Nothing was done about it. Yet this woman hesitated to go to the police. She considered it but decided not to because the minister who assaulted her was a family member and she was concerned that if it went to the police, it would become a public issue and would have an adverse effect on other members of her family. A … Continue reading →

The Guilt of Sexual Assault

I don’t think I have ever encountered a client with a history of sexual assault who has not had issues with guilt. Whether the assault happened during the adult years or in childhood, the specter of guilt is never far from the surface. Why is this? I have spoken with women who were assaulted from as young as three years of age, yet they will tell me that it was their fault. It is the same with adult women who have undergone sexual trauma. Why do we as a gender condemn ourselves for a violent act undertaken by someone else? … Continue reading →

Coping with Sexual Harassment and Assault (4)

Jane was a victim of date rape. Sian was sexually assaulted by her boss. Both women suffered enormously from their ordeal, but the way in which they dealt with the event differed in one significant way. In this hypothetical account of two victims of sexual assault, we can learn how to deal with this ugly crime in such a way as to minimize long term negative effects. Both Jane and Sian knew the men who assaulted them. Jane had been dating her perpetrator for two months; Sian had known her boss for four years. Neither woman suspected that these men … Continue reading →