Stranger Danger versus Relation Sensation

While watching Lemony Snicket’s “A series of Unfortunate Events” for the 500th time since its release onto DVD, I was reminded to take the NAPCAN Child Friendly Challenge. I asked the two Master 10 year-olds what they would require in a child friendly community. Their answers: 1. “friendly people who don’t ask weird questions to find out about you”, 2. “No strangers”. Their answers puzzled me. One child is my son and the other, a son of my colleague. Both children are well versed in protective behaviors with their parents being sexual assault therapists. What are we doing wrong if … Continue reading →

Not All Men Sexually Abuse Children

Australia celebrates Father’s Day on the first Sunday in September. That makes it this Sunday. Because the world’s countries celebrate Father’s day on different dates we are provided with multiple opportunities to be reminded of how special Dads are. How wonderful for those Dads that may have dual citizenship. They get to have multiple days where their protection of, and love and concern for, their children are openly celebrated. At a Protective Play Party yesterday, many of the Mums and children were talking about what they had planned as a surprise for Daddy on Sunday. Some other Mums and children … Continue reading →

Talking with Children About Sexuality.

The best protection from sexual assault that we can offer our children is to combine clear protective behavior skills with sexuality education. Previous blogs on the BITSS model of protective play covered different games to play for aiding skill development. However, sexuality? Isn’t that the same thing as protective behaviors? No. Many people simplify sexuality by assuming that it is about partner choice: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or transsexual. This is only a small part of sexuality. Anna Freud (daughter of Sigmund Freud) beautifully quoted the difference by stating, “Sex is what we do, sexuality is who we are.” Who we … Continue reading →

BITSS of Say No.

It has always struck me as strange that while we want our children to grow into confident, assertive adults, we do not allow them to practice assertiveness as children. Although many toddlers start out saying “no” on every occasion, we soon halt this learning by telling the babies that saying “no” is not nice. Sexual abuse is not nice either and when children have been trained to never say “no” to grown ups, they become easy targets for predators. Saying “no” is not a form of disrespect. It is an example of assertiveness and high self-esteem. Of course, there will … Continue reading →

BITSS of Touch

Any touch can quickly turn from good to bad. So too can sexual activity and the grooming process that leads up to sexual abuse. Therefore, it is VERY important your child understands good touches/bad touches. Just as adults have the authority to say no at any time, so too do children. If someone is cuddling them and then tries to touch their private parts, children need to know this is a bad touch and they can say no and go and tell someone, even if the cuddle was good at first and they really wanted it. Most children are familiar … Continue reading →

BITSS of Intuition

Intuition is the adult term for what kids know as early warning signs. It is said that females have better intuition than males because girls are more sensitive. Perhaps that’s only because some of us train our sons NOT to rely on their intuition and not to show their feelings about things. We like them to be manly: rational, sensible, scientific, and cut off from their feelings. And when male children are sensitive we put them down by telling them not to be girls/sissies/cry babies!? The other thing we often do when children show emotion is to tell them to … Continue reading →

BITSS of Body Ownership.

From the moment we are born, our body belongs to us. Our body is part of our human signature. Babies may need to rely on adults to care for them but each baby’s body is still unique: they have their own skin, tone, imprints, hair, voice, size and shape. A newborn baby has little understanding of where their body begins and ends, so as loving carers, we engage in touch, good touch, to teach our babies what is theirs and what is ours. We stroke them, massage them and put clothes on them to give a message of body boundaries … Continue reading →

The BITSS to Teach Children About Protective Behaviors

Yesterday we looked at The Protective Behavior Program. Today I’d like to share another, super easy model of Protective Behaviors. The BITSS you need to remember to help keep your kids safe. After eight years of research with families and children, I developed an easy to remember model of protective play to use in your home and on a daily basis. Most of the families, children and professionals that I researched with failed to remember either the name of “The Protective Behaviour Program” or the two themes that guide the teaching and rules of protective behavior. This scared me and … Continue reading →

Protective Behaviors for Personal Safety

Protective Behaviors is a sensible, down to earth plan for personal safety in any risky situation. Protective Behaviors cover sun, road, water, poison, health and personal safety. A method of developing personal power, Protective Behaviors gives people the skills they need to protect themselves from harm. Often used to protect children, Protective Behavior programs also help the elderly, the sick, and buildings like schools or churches that are sometimes a target for damage. American Social Worker, Peg Floundreu West, is responsible for the development of the most famous Protective Behaviour program in the world. In 1984, after working with children … Continue reading →