Why High Energy Isn’t All Bad

I think high energy kids get a bad rap. We’ve come to expect quite a bit from our children in terms of the ability to sit still, be sedate, and settle down to school work and small group activities from a much earlier age. Kids who run, jump, “act crazy” and “bounce off the walls” are seen as needing medication and therapy. As any parent of a high energy kid can tell you, however, all that abundant energy is not necessarily a bad thing. Some kids have high octane energy levels hard-wired from conception. They are often more active in … Continue reading →

Coping with an Argumentative Child

Some of us get lucky. We get one (or more) strong willed child who has all sorts of opinions and ideas about how things should be run in the world—and he or she might start at a surprisingly young age. It doesn’t matter whether you are in line at the grocery store, sitting in a church pew or the child is in class—he or she is quite eager and happy to take issue and argue with anyone and everyone. What is a parent to do? I think it can be helpful to remember that no personality trait or behavior is … Continue reading →

We Don’t Get to Choose Their Personalities

Okay, confession time–when you imagined yourself as a parent, nurturing your little bundle of joy–did you imagine a child just like the one you have? For those of us who have more than one, perhaps we “knew” that we would have a house full of various personalities but chances are, we didn’t exactly imagine what we got. I think the Universe or God or whatever you choose to call it, has a way of sending us the children and personalities that we NEED–not necessarily those that we would choose for ourselves. I remember before I had my children, I would … Continue reading →

We Just Won’t Always See Things the Same Way

Most of us expect that we will see things differently from our spouses or close friends and family, but for some reason, we assume that our children will have perspectives much closer to ours. Perhaps it is that we think we will be able to shape them from the early formative years, or perhaps it is because there are times when it really does seem like we are so similar and symbiotic. But the truth is—we are different people and we really will not always see things in the same way or the have the same approaches to things. It … Continue reading →

Can Everybody be Happy All at Once?

I have often pondered if it is possible to really keep a family with more than one child (or even more than one person for that matter) happy all around? Is it really possible for three children, for example, to all have great days and be happy at the same time? Does it go against the law of nature? Are we only allotted so much in terms of the happiness capacity for a household for any one 24-hour period and if one person uses it all up, the rest have to go without? Is there anything I can do as … Continue reading →

Sometimes, We’re All a Little Weird

There is nothing like family life to keep a person humble—no matter how cool and hip and “put together” you are able to present to the world at large, when you get a group of people living together in the family space, you’re bound to be confronted with just how weird you can really be. Not to mention, as parents, we welcome these adorable little creatures into our hearts and homes—only to discover that they have some strange habits, and evolve into the occasional weirdos! One of my daughters came into the kitchen this morning as I was finishing loading … Continue reading →

“Why Do They Think We Still Want to Match?”

I not the parent of twins, but have three very separate children all a little more than a year apart. My two daughters are not quite fifteen months apart and when they were younger, people tended to assume the two of them were twins. Age, individuality and the fact that there is more than 6 inches and very different body types that separate them has taken care of that—but at the ages of 17 and nearly 18, there are still those people who try to treat them like two-of-a-kind. They are neither of them very happy about it either… My … Continue reading →

“But I’ve Just Gotten Them Broken In!”

My son does not like change. His personality is such that he likes to keep things simple, comfortable and predictable. He likes some surprises, but he also likes routine. He is not someone I see as going out into the world and taking on all sorts of daring adventures and risks, he tends to really value good friends and family and it has been fun watching as he grows more and more into himself. HOWEVER, the downside is that his avoidance of change means getting him to get a new pair of shoes, a new coat, or even get his … Continue reading →

When Anxiety and Nervousness Are Hard-Wired

Recently, one of my children was embarking on a scary, new endeavor. It was something pretty big and I asked, “Are you nervous?” My child answered with amazing honesty and candor, “Mother, I’ve been nervous since the second grade.” And, it is true. This is a child who is naturally prone to anxiety and nervousness—but over the years, has learned how to manage and have some self-awareness about how to deal with this natural personality tendency. I have met other parents of “anxious” kids and many of us started out trying to just MAKE our children get less anxious. But … Continue reading →

Teaching Kids to Calm Themselves

I’ll be the first one to admit that I have a love/hate relationship with time-out. I’ve used this technique with Tyler and have experienced my fair share of successes and failures. In the November 2007 issue of Parenting, I read about an alternative to time-out and it sounds like a good idea. Let me share it with you. Basically, the author tells us to re-think time-out by not giving our kids time-outs when they are misbehaving. Instead, we should teach them to take their own time-out when they feel they are getting out of control. This method teaches kids to … Continue reading →