Quick to Judge

I’ll admit it; if I see a toddler running around at the park wearing shorts and a t-shirt when it’s cloudy and 50 degrees out, I judge. Ditto when I spy a baby wearing nothing but green tinsel and a shamrock deely- bopper on Thanksgiving. Just call me Judgey Judgerton. They say parents are the worst offenders when it comes to judging their peers; however, I believe habitually jumping to conclusions about random people and situations is universal and not exclusive to those who procreate. Take for example the brouhaha surrounding actress Busy Philipps. A few days ago, the TV … Continue reading →

Shortening Summer Vacation

Know how to shut down an unruly kid in record time? Tell him that his school is shortening summer vacation. I’ve never seen a mouthy child go silent as quickly as I did last week while watching the evening news at our neighbor’s house. Education leaders recently began serious talks about lengthening the academic year here. Of course, all my neighbor’s rowdy kid heard was: “Next year, public school kids across the state could be dealing with a much shorter summer vacation.” The news reporter’s last three words nearly triggered an aneurysm in my neighbor’s kid. My child attends parochial … Continue reading →

Never-Ending Advice

Remember when your kids were babies and everyone around you felt the need to give you parenting advice—even when you didn’t ask for it? Well, the unsolicited guidance doesn’t stop as your children get older. Case in point: The other day my daughter and I were getting a bite to eat at a local family restaurant. We frequent the eatery on a monthly basis because she loves the rotisserie chicken. And by love I mean she’s so obsessed she will not order any other entrée. Given her near religious devotion to the seasoned bird, I didn’t even bother to ask … Continue reading →

Let There Be Light

I can see it, smell it, and almost touch it. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel. And by tunnel I mean my daughter’s school year. In two weeks I will enjoy a treasured reprieve from the worst mom job ever—packing school lunches. I abhor the near daily ritual, which hurts my brain, as much as it does my wallet. I’ve endured this penitent practice for nearly three years and I still haven’t figured out what I can pack that my now 8-year-old won’t toss into the school’s 80-gallon garbage barrel. Aside from the torment of devising a … Continue reading →

Making Sense Is Underrated

Why yes, please, my dear 2-year-old, go right ahead and play demolition derby with grandma’s glass figurines on that solid marble countertop. It’s so much better than watching you have an epic meltdown because of my concern for your safety. When was the last time that choice was a viable option for a parent? You know that what you do for your children is for their own good. Unfortunately, most kids could care less about the rules of parenthood. In fact, the vast majority of what you do to ensure their well being makes absolutely no sense to them. They … Continue reading →

Senseless Name Calling

Naming a newborn; it’s one of the most challenging and controversial decisions parents are faced with during their lifetime. Challenging because you are in sole control of strapping a child with the moniker he will likely live with until he’s six feet under. Controversial because the world is your judging your choice, and we all know how cruel others can be. I’m not big on parents who purposely call attention to themselves by bestowing strange names on their innocent offspring. Remember: Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, ESPN and Peanut? Who does that to a child? Of course, I wonder … Continue reading →

Respond Please

I don’t get. What is so hard about saying “yes” or “no” to a party invitation? Especially if the bash is for a child. A young child who doesn’t understand why some of his friends didn’t show up for his safari-themed shindig. Or worse, why some said they’d be there, and then bailed at the last minute. Fortunately, young children are resilient, void of pettiness, unresentful… and easily distracted by cake, ice cream, balloons, streamers and presents. Especially presents. It’s the parents hosting the party who could stand to channel more of that forgiving nature. Of course, I certainly don’t … Continue reading →

Do NOT Reply All

Dear parents of school-age children, It’s not necessary to “reply all” to every single email sent from your child’s teacher… especially if your kid is in the same class as ours. Sincerely, Parents for the Prevention of Reply All Abuse Look, I’m all for open communication, especially when it involves parents and educators, and despite my glaring absence on Facebook, I really do appreciate the advantages associated with digital messaging. However, when it comes to emails and the “reply all” function, I’m a real hater. I’m not a huge fan of checking emails to begin with, so when I see … Continue reading →

The Bedroom TV

My father just offered to purchase a television for my daughter’s bedroom. I’m still waiting for John Quiñones to pop out of my hall closet because there’s no way my dad’s proposition can be legit. He’s testing me right? Like Quiñones does to all those unsuspecting individuals on “What Would You Do?” A new flat screen TV for my 8-year-old’s bedroom… riiiiight. From a guy who refused to allow me to touch our family’s TV, which didn’t move from its spot in the living room. The same dad who mandated that an egg timer be set each time me and … Continue reading →

No Chance to Miss Your Kid

Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? It’s hard to believe it could in today’s high-tech world, especially when it comes to parent-child relationships. After all, tech-savvy moms and dads can easily reach out and touch their smartphone-toting offspring with the press of a single button regardless of how far they stray from the nest. In fact, according to a new study just published in AARP The Magazine, parents aged 47 to 66 admit to communicating with their 20-something children several times a day despite the fact that they don’t live in the same city. The online query, “Parents … Continue reading →